Tuesday, June 10, 2025

Avoid the Pain of The Second Arrow*

*Lightly edited from my basketball blog

"Buddhists say that when we suffer misfortune, two arrows fly our way. Being struck by an arrow is painful, but being struck by a second arrow is even more painful. The second arrow is our reaction to the first, and it causes mental suffering." 

Events swirl around us. Often we cannot elude the pain of "the first arrow." Avoid the pain of the second. 

A key player gets injured or sick. Control what we can control, compensating with changes in personnel, strategy (play faster or slower), and operations. Find ways to step up and compensate for unavailable players.

We experience a painful loss. Don't blame, complain, or make excuses. Analyze what we need to do to be better. Love our losses and learn from them. 

We say or do something we regret. Own it. Apologize for our mistake. "I could have handled that better." Remind ourselves of "The Four Agreements," the last of which is "Always do your best." 

Don't be helpless. Add tools to our toolbox of how we react to the first arrow. 
  • Mindfulness helps to widen the 'space' between what happens, including perceived offenses, and how we respond. 
  • Professionalism reflects maturity and character. 
  • Branding is how others see both our identity and performance. Take care of the MVB brand and your personal brand. 
Dr. Fergus Connolly's core elements include skill, strategy, physicality, and psychology (including resilience). Avoiding the pain of the second arrow is a key part of resilience. 

Lagniappe 2.  Rethink the game. 

 

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