"We Hurt Feelings." Let the Coach, coach.

"There is always a pecking order." - Erik Spoelstra

Coaches build foundations upon relationships. Coaches manage scarcity - minutes and lead roles. Minutes and roles shrink, dissatisfaction rises, and feelings suffer. 

What triggers problems? 

1. Roster selection. When demand is high and supply low, coaches make painful decisions. Politically 'connected' players may get favored or if not, the coach gets blowback. "This is not a union job." Upperclassmen and their families often feel entitled. "She paid her dues." Younger players may have also paid theirs. 

2. Roles. Sport is a meritocracy. Some coaches preach, "it's not who starts that counts, it's who finishes." Players and families don't always see it that way. The same dynamic applies for minutes, roles, and recognition. The dynamic, skilled freshman should play when the better player. 

The player's job is to excel in her role. Coach Knight allegedly said, "shooters shoot, passers pass, and everyone plays defense." 

3. Leadership. Age doesn't guarantee maturity or leadership. The leadership selection process is generally opaque. Somewhere amidst player votes and coaching opinions, leaders are chosen. When younger players are selected, regardless of a vote, egos get bruised. Older players may threaten to quit. One successful coach responded, "do what you have to do." 

4. Coaching is correction not criticism. Coach told us, "if I'm not yelling at you, I've given up on you." Any individual correction applies to all players. Let players know it's not personal. Great players want coaching. 

5. Community expectations. Living up to a winning tradition can't always happen. The talent pool dries up, opponents get stronger, coaches leave, illness, injury, and luck change. Fans forget that high school players are kids. 

6. "The Disease of Me." Everyone's radio station is WII - FM. What's in it for me? Ego, envy, and selfishness exist everywhere in society. Sport is not immune. A typical warning sign occurs when the team is doing well and players are unhappy. 

7. Everyone is an individual. Some players are more sensitive than others. Coaches can learn that. Red Auerbach arranged with Bill Russell to yell at him so that all players knew that anyone could take coaching. Consider doing that with your top player. 

"Never be a child's last coach." 

Magical solutions don't exist. Envy arises at every level of play. What's a coach to do?

• Set the tone at the preseason meeting. "You may not agree with everything I do, but I make decisions putting the team first."
• Establish what conversations can or can't occur (e.g. no discussion about players not your child)
• Establish when conversations can occur (e.g. overnight cooling period).
• Maintain open communication lines with superiors. 
• Having a younger assistant can allow an "inside man" approach.
• Always have hard conversations with multiple adults present. 

 Lagniappe. Repost? "Let the coach coach."