Conflict Resolution*

*Adapted from my basketball blog 

Kara Lawson (@karalawson20) said, "Conflict is a pivotal part of a successful team."

"You commit to one another, so, when there is conflict, you can move past it."

Constructive conflict builds stronger teams.

It leads to better decision making and relationships. pic.twitter.com/a6ywDG8z2n

— Coach AJ 🎯 Mental Fitness (@coachajkings) March 18, 2026

Kara Lawson said it simply: “Conflict is a pivotal part of a successful team.”

And more importantly: “You commit to one another, so when there is conflict, you can move past it.”

Conflict isn’t the problem. Unresolved conflict is.

Conflict Happens Every Day

We think of conflict as arguments. It’s not. Conflict shows up in quieter moments: “I don’t feel like doing this drill.” “I should sprint, but I won’t.”“I want playing time, but I'm not into it today." That’s conflict.

Nick Saban says it best: "The challenge is doing what you should do when you don’t want to - and not doing what you shouldn’t do when you want to."

The “Get To” Shift

Part of resolving conflict is language.

• “I get to set up equipment so we start on time.”

• “I get to clean up the bench because it’s our responsibility.”

• “I get to practice hard because I’m part of something bigger.”

“Have to” creates resistance. “Get to” creates ownership.

Talent Creates Conflict

MVB 26 will be deep. Upperclassmen. Underclassmen. Every position. That’s a good thing. It also guarantees conflict.

Because competitors want to play, want to improve, want to win. Tension shapes edges. 

If there’s no tension, there’s no edge.

The Right Kind of Competitor

Adam Grant, in Give and Take, describes three types:

• Takers - look out for themselves

• Matchers - keep score

• Givers - invest in others

The surprising finding: Givers can finish first or last. The difference?

Ambition. The best are ambitious givers who compete, push, demand, and lift others. They make the team better while getting better.

What Exceptional Teams Do

They don’t avoid conflict. They use it. Competition sharpens practice. Accountability builds trust. Honest conversations strengthen relationships.

And over time, conflict becomes connection.

Closing Ideas

Every player faces a choice. Avoid conflict, stay comfortable, stay the same. Engage conflict, grow, help the team grow. 

Resolve it the right way - daily, quietly, consistently. Because the teams that handle conflict best…

Those are the teams still playing when it matters most.

Lagniappe. "Nothing." 

"Funnel Cake"

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal." - Picasso

Volleyball essence is offense that puts the ball down and defense that keeps the ball up. The synergy between blockers and defenders (see below) informs a key part of that mission. Early reads, quick reaction, and disciplined blocking inhabit the process. 

There's a basketball saying, "Spacing is offense and offense is spacing." Restated, basketball offense spaces out the defense, creates separation with cutting and passing, leading to the "scoring moment."

Volleyball is similar. Spacing creates options and defense reduces spacing, compromising the opponents attack. Making a team play "out of system" is a key part of volleyball, often by making the first pass difficult.

 

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Consistency

"The foundation of consistency is a sound pre-shot routine." - Bob Rotella in "Golf Is Not a Game of Perfect"

Serving is the only part of volleyball under your complete control. Exceptional serving overlaps with golf (addressing the ball) and basketball (free throw shooting) as the pre-shot routine combines both physical and mental components.

What belongs in the pre-shot routine? 

• Strategy - where do I place the serve to increase the chance of scoring by putting the defense in a bad position (e.g. out of system) play.
• Mental preparation - might include a deep breath (Dot b - stop and take a breath), visualization, or an affirmation ("right now" or "strike zone" or whatever)
• Positioning (Zone, feet behind the endline) 
• Ignition - Footwork, Toss, and ball striking

Toss

A high toss means the ball accelerates down through contact, making consistent contact more difficult

A toss too far in front makes a net ball more likely.

Alisa has unique footwork and delivery. Notice that her toss is relatively low, which means minimal chance for "downward acceleration" that would reduce the contact "sweet spot." The serve forces a less accurate first pass which leads to out of system play. 

Lagniappe. The best teams play with force. Consistency and aggressiveness are the hallmarks of excellence. Coach Scott Celli likes to say that you compete with serve and passing and win with attacking and blocking. 

Coach Liskevych teaches serving types. Find what works for you. 

Passing Drill at Home

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Footwork and passing technique are perishable skills. Spending a small amount of time reinforcing technique pays off. It's not "muscle memory." It's laying down more myelin (nerve coating) in the brain that makes the nerve input both faster and more reliable.  

nex

The Launch Pad

Jay Wright said the greatest trait a person can have isn’t talent, toughness, or intelligence.

"It's attitude."

It's a choice - every single day.

A negative energy and a negative attitude will steal your energy, progress, and joy.

Focus on what you can control and eliminate… pic.twitter.com/FXGMzemoiL

— Coach AJ 🎯 Mental Fitness (@coachajkings) May 12, 2026

The "launch pad" for success is attitude. "Control what you can control." Attitude spills over everywhere:

• Punctuality
• Culture
• Coachability
• Choices
• Effort 
• Preparation
• Teamwork 

A negative attitude never leads to a positive experience. 

Leader or Boss?

All opinions in the blog are solely my own. The blog is not an official publication of any City of Melrose organization. 

"People by and large become what they think about themselves." = Dr. Bob Rotella in Golf Is Not a Game of Perfect

As many readers are young people, choose to become the person you want to become. Do you want to become a boss or a leader? Answering that question escapes some leaders. 

Overlap can occur, but what separates leaders from bosses?

Leaders inspire as they prioritize team development. They make every decision with the best interest of the team as their "North Star." Brad Stevens says, "What does our team need now?"

They consider how planning, preparation, practice, and decisions impact both the well-being of the team and the development of individuals. 

When well-done, leadership creates something that people want to become a part of. The whole becomes greater than the sum of the parts. Training and decisions become "force multipliers." 

In ancient Rome, a position existed called "anteambulo," literally meaning "walking in front of." They helped smooth the path for those who followed. Another expression relates to "finding canvases for others to paint on." 

In Adam Grant's book, Give and Take, he describes personal styles as givers, matchers, and takers. If you only give, you will exhaust yourselves. The people who do best are "ambitious givers." 

It's not all sunshine and roses as leaders must make difficult decisions, "Sophie's Choice" and navigate hard conversations. 

Developing leadership is a choice.

Lagniappe. There's no one way to teach anything. Here are some additional ideas on training serving with a wall assist. 

Volleyball Informational Meeting

Playing volleyball this season? 

 

A Dozen Study Principles to Raise Performance

Coach and author Kevin Eastman has a saying, "You own your paycheck." Take responsibility for the quantity and quality of your study. Eastman, former Celtics' Assistant Coach (2008 NBA Champions) and author of Why the Best Are the Best, reads at least two hours daily.

Here are some study tips:

1. Have a plan. If you don't, make one now and write it down. When you have an excellent plan, stick with it. 

2. Focus. Computers don't multitask...they rapidly switch between one task and another. 

3. Have a study place free from distractions. Turn off the phone, the television, or any other distractions. 

4. Written notes "stick" better than typed ones.

5. Use the "Pomodoro Technique" for study, 25 minutes on and five minutes off. Focus, rest, reset. 

6. Practice "spaced repetition." Repeated review of a subject (school or sports) defeats "cramming." 

7. Self-test. Ask what is the message of this lesson, this chapter, this book? 

8. Learn 'critical thinking'. Textbooks are written to sell in Texas. Is the truth in Texas the same as the truth in Massachusetts? The availability of original documents on the Internet allows a "granular" (detailed) look at complex subjects. If you wanted to study the origins of the Civil War, find the Declaration of Secession by the first state to secede (South Carolina). Students don't have to speculate; read the document.  

9. Ask better questions. During early 2020, debate and disagree existed about the significance of COVID. As a doctor, I asked a rhetorical question, "What is the downstream consequence of epidemic deaths?" I Googled "what are the five most popular models of coffins?" One was sold out. Casket makers literally couldn't keep up with demand. The answer was self-evident. 

10.Learn to use analogy. I shared this post on analogy and volleyball.

11.Become familiar with Mental Models and Cognitive Biases. Here's an AI 'hallucination' to a prompt asking about volleyball, mental models, and confirmation bias. 

An excellent review article linking these topics is "How cognitive biases affect winning probability perception in beach volleyball experts" (Ittlinger et al., 2025), published in Scientific Reports.  This study combines sport psychology and informatics to analyze how optimism and confirmation bias distort elite players' perception of set-winning probabilities, leading to systematic overestimation when trailing and underestimation when leading. 

Key findings include:

• Confirmation Bias: In trailing scenarios, this bias amplified overestimation, causing players to underestimate their disadvantage; in leading scenarios, it improved accuracy by focusing on victory likelihood. 

• Strategic Implications: Biases can delay critical tactical adjustments, such as increasing serve pressure or changing defensive formations, because players perceive the game as more even than empirical data suggests. 

• Expert Perception: Elite beach volleyball players frequently recall rare comeback situations, reinforcing the "never give up" mentality despite statistical probabilities indicating a high likelihood of loss when significantly behind. 

"Sample size" is an important mental model. "One swallow doesn't make a summer." Watching volleyball tryouts, try not to evaluate a player based on a small number of observations. "Recency bias" is a cognitive bias where recent player or performance sticks with us, good or bad. 

12.Expand your learning toolbox (analogy!). Don't write papers with AI, but use AI as a study tool. Here's an example from Threads: 

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Make Believe

Some players expend a lot of energy on the search for the perfect swing. The MVB legacy players all had different “games” yet produced similar results. 

Technical skills (examples):

• Golf swing
• Basketball free throw
• Gymnastics balance beam

You cannot perform at a higher level by focusing on form during competition. Routine (e.g. pre-serve) can trigger high performance. 

The Mental Game 

Top players in any sport have an unshakeable belief in their mental approach. 

• Focus on the play at hand. No distractions and a short memory…
• Supreme confidence. “I’ll make it.”
• Dispel doubt. Leave it at home. Doubt never helped anyone.
• Competitive character. Use behaviors that support effectiveness (affirmations, visualizations)
• Unselfishness ("It's not your shot, it's our shot")

The Hot Hand

You cannot "outperform" your ability. Hot streaks reflect your peak ability - kills, service points, blocks. 

Bring the attitude that you're bringing the "A" game from the outset. 

Against Hingham in the fourth set, Danni DiGiorgio goes on a service run with good pace to put Melrose up 4-2. She stuck with what was working. 

Do the mental work 

• Mindfulness increases focus and reduces stress hormones.
• Film study can help reading plays to quicken reactions.
• Visualize with a three-to-five minute mental "highlight reel" of top plays. 

Physical and mental skills combine to elevate performance away from "floor" levels to approach "ceilings." 

Lagniappe. Generate more power by involving your core. 

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"I'm Pleased But I'm not Satisfied"

Remember Picasso's quote, "Good artists borrow; great artists steal." Be open to stealing and sharing the best you can find.  

Tommy LaSorda used to say to us: “You have to BELIEVE that you’re the best baseball player ever, just don’t tell anyone” https://t.co/laEFjcYEqC

— Dr. Ismael Gallo DPT, MBA (@flowsdoc) May 9, 2026

When you're on MVB 26 in August, believe it's for reasons: 

• You earned it with your offseason work.
• You earned a role at tryouts.
• You own making your teammates better.
• You impact winning.
• You can be even better by improving every day. 

You can only be as good as you believe you are. When you ace a serve into a seam, that's not luck. It's results.

Lagniappe. First, what is lagniappe? Lagniappe is "something extra" it's the thirteenth item in a baker's dozen or an extra quarter cup of sugar added by the vendor who sells you three pounds of sugar. Or it's a bonus for readers. 

Coach Ellis Lane told us this using different words, "I'm pleased but I'm not satisfied."

A phrase coaches should repeat 1000x:

"Don't mistake good results for permission to abandon the process."

— Brian Kight (@BrianKight) May 9, 2026

Even Stevens

Develop long and short-term plans. Brad Stevens keeps a sign near his desk:

What do you want?

What's true?

How do you get there?

He also said, "Our margin for error needs to get bigger, and at the same time, I don't think we're like way far away."

Margins reflect all the inputs - skill, volleyball IQ, physicality, and resilience. All matter. Excellent teams and players are always resilient, capable of standing up in the face of adversity. 

Performance can always improve. Where do the "margins show up?"

• Service aces and service points. It's not enough to get it over the net. Pace, spin, and targeting work together.
• Blocking the pins. More HANDS ON attacks demands better reads, reaction, and execution.
• 'Got to have it' attacks. Earn the privilege of "finishing time" to make winning plays in 'close and late' situations. 

Do the work. Leverage workouts by practicing with teammate. Compete.

Last year MVB got valuable experience. There's a saying in sports that "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." 

Two other Stevens quotes:

"The game honors toughness." Toughness reflects volleyball competitive character. Sport allows you to perform when it counts the most. 

"The magic is in the work." Nothing works unless you do. MVB student-athletes and there families are sacrificing every offseason because they care. 

Lagniappe. How you do anything is how you do everything. You compete in school, at practice, in games. Embrace the spirit of competition. 

Anyone can work hard, but it always comes down to your willingness to compete. pic.twitter.com/AUAlCSxLa8

— Coach AJ 🎯 Mental Fitness (@coachajkings) May 5, 2026

Unanswered Questions

“Hope is not a strategy.” Everyone goes as far as the talent takes them. Skilled, athletic, and tough players can succeed without elite size. MVB 2012 was not exceptionally tall, but the pieces fit exceptionally well.

Every team enters a campaign with unanswered questsions. 

Questions:

• Who are the three hitters who will deliver over 550 kills?
• How much development occurred in the offseason for the 10+ sophomores and juniors with a shot to be on MVB 26?
• Can the pin blockers become more impactful this season?
• Will the graduation of Sabine Wenzel make Melrose more diverse and less predictable offensively?
• Will Sadie Smith approach or eclipse 600 assists?
• Who wins the intense battle for designated servers that requires both strong serving and solid defense?
• Will a blocking pair emerge to become a force that limits opponents’ outside attack?
• How will the revised ML12 schedule with an in-season tournament play out?
• Will “young experience” help Melrose close out the “Gotta Have It” moments?
• Who makes the dynamic athletic leap as unexpected contributors?

Every season is a cliffhanger. 

Lagniappe. Be able to set and attack from off the net. 

Change

"No progress occurs without change, but not all change is progress." - John Wooden

Study leadership to understand the qualities of great leaders. In Lincoln on Leadership, Donald T. Phillips explores the personal and professional character and decision-making of our 16th President.

Lincoln was an avid and curious reader. He was the only President to have a patent and met with inventors who might help win the Civil War. He believed in trial periods, in which subordinates had a chance to prove their mettle. And he recognized the importance of change and flexibility as well as stability and consistency.

The ability to change when change is necessary yet remain consistent to principles has been a staple of MVB under Coach Scott Celli.

One season, the team opened with a 6-2 and struggled to an opening match loss at Belmont. That ended that strategy at that time. 

MVB has always functioned with core competencies of ball control and defense. As the game evolved, "middle dominant offense" changed to more attacks via the pins - with All-State outsides (Elena Soukos, Gia Vlajkovic, Sadie Jaggers) turning "prove it" into "do it" careers. 

The best lineup finds itself on the court, although the Opening Day lineup is often not the end-of-season lineup. JV players can ascend to rotation players during the season. Underclassmen can earn playing time when they add value. Players like Gia or Alyssa DiRaffaele can find themselves in a different position in the best interests of the team.

Effective coaching considers numerous factors. Balancing stability and consistency (values, goals, and standards) with change and flexibility can mean difficult decisions and hard conversations.

Other Coach Wooden quotes include:

“Place the team above yourself always.”

 “Losing yourself for the good of the group—that’s teamwork.”

“Happiness begins where selfishness ends.”

Team sports teach many lessons, primary among them, "Team first." 

Lagniappe. How you speak becomes a vital part of your character and competence. 

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We Are Always Communicating with Our Team*

All opinions expressed within the blog are solely my own. The blog is not an official publication of any City of Melrose institution. 

*Adapted from my basketball blog

Know your audience. In a book, article, or interview, you address a variety of 'constituencies'. Do you want to inform, educate, correct, raise questions, or have some other intent? 

Be aware that we are always communicating with our team. 

The "Bully" Pulpit

Don't be a bully. "Listen, Dummy, you have no right to criticize me or question my decisions." Remember Chuck Daly's advice, "never get in an argument with a guy who buys ink by the barrel."

You want to address the reporter's question, but not to insult either the questioner or possible targets of the question. If someone asks a "gotcha" question like, "Is it true that there's a morale problem on the team?" find a way to answer respectfully. "On any given day, in any family or organization, we have ups and downs. And we communicate about them within the family because that's what families do." 

Fandom

Bobby Knight had it right, "If you listen to the fans in the stands, soon you'll be up there sitting next to them." As a messenger, don't be dismissive or question their intelligence. "It's always a difficult decision to assign minutes to a given player against a certain lineup, depending on the matchups, player strengths and limitations." 

The Team

"It's true that we didn't play our best tonight. We've worked hard to prepare them to compete every night. Maybe we overworked them recently and they didn't have as much "stuffing" tonight." Rather than blame them for a lack of effort directly, you're shifting the responsibility off them and onto yourself. 

Your Opponent

Give credit to the opposing team, their coaches, and their administration. "Those guys work hard, prepare hard, and competed hard in tonight's game. If we didn't play well at times, their players and scheme had a significant role." 

The Volleyball Community

Every game has meaning. "When we play well and succeed, we want to understand what we did and why we won. We also want to understand where we didn't do well and find ways to be better in the future." Win or lose, engage the process of teamwork, improvement, and accountability. "We won tonight and we're pleased but we're not satisfied. We want to be harder to play against every time out." 

Colin Powell shared perspective in "It Worked for Me." Here are a few of his suggestions:

1. They get to pick the question. You get to pick the answer.

2. You don't have to answer any question you don't want to. 

3. Never lie...beware of being too open.

4. Never reveal private advice you have given your superiors.

5. Answers should be directed to the message you want readers/viewers to get. The interviewers are not your audience. 

 

The Easy Bus Isn’t Coming

Read this from The Daily Coach

Stay humble and hungry, true to your purpose. We are grateful to read about the accomplishments of local student-athletes - in class, on the court, or in other extracurricular activities.

Nobody gifts you success. It’s hard, just as raising a family is hard. Be a leader. Be a mentor. Do hard well.