Learning about leadership is an important part of your experience. Understand what leaders do and how.
Leaders help people be seen and heard.
They put people in position to succeed.
They add sport-specific value and set high ethical standards.
They provide mastery and structured preparation.
They make everyone around them better.
Former UNC women's soccer coach Anson Dorrance had players read The Leadership Moment, nine curated stories of extraordinary leadership. It would be excellent summer reading.
One of my favorites was Arlene Blum leading an all-women's expedition to summit Annapurna, one of 14 Nepalese peaks over 8,000 meters. Two women summited and two died trying. Women have the capacity to face the challenges, endure the hardships, achieve greatness, and suffer the same consequences as men.
Ecosystem, the totality of a program's environment, matters. Coach Scott Celli and his staff bring the same energy and positivity today that have been fundamental for three decades.
In her Hall of Fame induction speech, Sarah McGowan emphasized how welcoming the program was, even for her as a young camper. Upperclassmen never "bigfoot" young players. There has never been a "kiss up" and "kick down" mentality to overcome.
Does that mean that everyone is happy with their playing time or role? Of course not. Everyone should want to contribute and be prepared to capitalize when the chance comes.
*Adapted from my basketball blog. All opinions expressed are my own. The blog is not an official publication of any City of Melrose organization.
Hard conversations in coaching are the sounds of inevitability. Do better through study, preparation, and attitude. Some of us feel a need to "win" every conversation or negotiation. That leaves negative residue and our conversation partner must therefore "lose."
Show empathy (work to understand how the other side feels) and seek perspective through more tools.
Alison Wood Brooks provides the acronym CALM, not without irony.
C - confirmation
A - admit uncertainty (can lower the temperature)
L - learning
M - making it human
The acronym itself embraces preparation and perspective.
Confirmation
This represents an effort to get on the same page. These are the facts as best as I can tell. Help me by sharing your understanding. Changes in a player's role or playing time often get seen as either threatening, punitive, or personal.
Admit Uncertainty
As coaches, we prioritize what is best for the team as our first objective. It's not always clear. The "good soldier" senior doesn't want to hear that the talented sophomore is 'stealing' their spotlight. We could say, "I know this is hard for you to hear, especially with how hard you've worked. Some changes are coming that affect you, and we'll see how that works out for the team."
These conversations should be well considered, always held with another adult present, and be private to limit potential for shame or embarrassment.
Learning
We can't know everything. We can work to understand whether other factors lurk in the background - injury, family, academics, bullying, or any of a hundred possibilities.
Behavior is data, not always explanation. Sometimes an explanation exists, but exploring for it makes everyone involved uncomfortable.
Make it Human
Coaches practice our art amidst complexity, with incomplete information, and can't separate feelings from the process. Emotion is often uncontrollable (e.g. sadness), but behavior is. We can be frustrated with another person, but we can't punch them in the face.
With younger players, often the fact-finding avenue has to run through the parents. Let them know that we are on their family's side and ask whether issues exist that we should know about. Nothing guarantees positive reception, but understanding can only arise through mutual participation.
I'd be kidding readers and myself if "perfect conversations" were my standard. Most parents are reluctant to say, "I hate you and your coaching." That doesn't make them wrong. Certain approaches don't work well for everyone. For example, an aggressive style may not work for a less forceful or physical child. Most parents appreciated a holistic approach. Not all.
Sources:
MasterClass, Chris DeVoss (author Never Split the Difference)
MasterClass, Alison Wood Brooks
Lagniappe. Here's an AI take on Voss's likely tack:
Label the emotion before arguing the facts. “It seems like you’re frustrated.” “It sounds like you feel you haven’t been given a fair chance.” Voss’s point is that naming emotion tends to reduce its intensity. In coaching, that matters before you explain playing time, role, effort, or behavior.
Use calibrated questions. Instead of “Why aren’t you communicating?” try: “What’s making it hard for you to communicate right now?” Or, “How do you think your current approach is affecting the team?” These invite reflection without surrendering standards.
Get to “that’s right,” not “you’re right.” “You’re right” can be a conversation-ending concession. “That’s right” means the player feels accurately understood. Summarize her position so well that she recognizes herself in it before you move to your point.
Use an accusation audit. Say the negative interpretation out loud before the athlete does: “You may think I’ve already made up my mind,” or, “This may feel like I’m singling you out.” That takes some of the sting out of the objection and shows you are not avoiding the uncomfortable part.
Don’t confuse empathy with agreement. This may be the most important coaching lesson from Voss. Tactical empathy means understanding the player’s perspective, not endorsing it. You can say, “I understand why you’re disappointed,” and still say, “Your role is not changing right now.”
For a coaching blog, I’d probably distill the whole thing to:
Hear first. Label the emotion. Ask better questions. State the standard. Leave dignity intact.
Most players rarely think about this. Maybe that's a good thing. Excellence is not about balance.
As Brad Stevens told my wife Ellen (the rocket scientist) about sports, "It's not rocket science."
Coaches' Player Evaluation
Performance (competence)
Projection
Character (intangibles)
Performance is dynamic.
The pathway to excellence traverses "kaizen," work toward continual improvement. It's ruthless pursuit toward your asymptote of excellence, your performance ceiling. Teams succeed when they develop enough individuals hungry for team success.
Projection is hard to measure.
Two young players especially stood out during 2025 tryouts to me. Both are regulars now. Scott Celli has the ability to recognize "it" when he sees "it." When I asked him once how long it took him to see that a specific player had "it," he said, "five minutes."
Anson Dorrance about Mia Hamm
Character
"The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." Exceptional players have extraordinary character. This allows ordinary people to achieve extraordinary things. Finding these 'guys' separates champions.
Former Michigan Coach Bo Schembechler said about avoiding the 'wrong player', if he goes to Ohio State he might beat you once a year. If he comes here, he can beat you every day.
Melrose has never had those 'wrong' guys. They still don't.
Become the metaphorical "lottery pick" or "first rounder" who can play for anybody. Melrose has a bunch of candidates for those labels. Coaches don't make lottery picks or first rounders. Players do via their commitment, discipline, focus, sacrifice, teamwork, and will. They embody "deliberate practice."
You award yourself integrity, work ethic, commitment. You can't award yourself external recognition.
The latest Maxpreps.com D2 rankings:
Here's the reality. You're still in the "Evaluation Phase" of the season. Soon, there's a transition into the "Second Act." The characters embrace the struggle to overcome the obstacles on their destination. Then, there's "The Crescendo" of action to the resolution. You know it when you see it.
The crescendo happens when all the instruments come into play - in the video at about 11:30 or so.
George Frazier used “duende” to mean an elusive personal quality—style, presence, taste, authenticity, a kind of cultivated magnetism that cannot be reduced to wealth, status, or conventional success. Borrowing the term from Spanish artistic tradition, he applied it to people who seemed to possess an unmistakable grace and individuality that made them more interesting than merely fashionable. For Frazier, duende was less about looking impressive than about having a distinctive way of being.
David Ortiz radiated duende. Pedro Martinez had duende. Roman Anthony, not yet.
Muhammad Ali had duende.
Dr. Victoria Crovo had duende...the image shows her on the block.
Duende fashions flair with functionality.
Marcin has duende.
What does this have to do with volleyball?
"Every day is showtime." Every day is "prove it" time. Show the coaches that you belong on the court. Make them want you on the court. Make them need you on the court.
Watch most JV games... as expected, you see less experience, less skill, less force, less consistency. Your job is to leave an impression while making a difference.
How?
1) Serve with intent.
2) Hit with intent.
3) Energize your teammates.
4) Impact the game.
5) Play with force. Bring electricity to the court.
Your challenge is to figure it out.
Lagniappe. Thought for the week... what would you call a Kayla ace?
"The little things are the big things." There are no little things.
"Culture eats strategy for breakfast." Be supportive. Bring energy. Celebrate small victories. Culture simplifies leadership.
Talk. Talk. Talk. Channel Maggie Turner, the greatest on court talker ever.
MUDITA. "Your joy is my joy." Celebrating a teammate's success is a superpower. Envy is one of the seven deadly sins.
"Grateful Red" Thank your families. Thank your teammates. Thank your coaches.
No, No to Momo. Volleyball is a game of momentum. Stopping runs separates excellent from good.
Sideline Hero If you're not in the game physically, be in the game mentally. Study the personel and strategy of your opponent.
Reading Lessons Study the game looking for cues that "telegraph" the intentions of servers, setters, and hitters. The more you can learn by watching, the better you'll play when you get in there.
Lagniappe. Coach puts you in the position to succeed. Listen.
Shaka Smart said, "As a coach, it's my job to help our guys be our best."
"If we could control the result every time, it'd be a win."
Alabama, football royalty, takes a personal and local approach in literally catering to its player's appetites.
Not sure what the Boosters' Club is cooking up this year in fundraising. Many moons ago Navy wives put together a cookbook with their favorite recipes.
In The Bear, a Hulu drama, comments were made about how often great restaurants had relatively limited dessert offerings.
Here are my top three:
1) Apple crisp with vanilla ice cream. Some consider it more of a 'seasonal' dessert. I do not agree.
2) Dessert crepe with vanilla ice cream topped with a special blended sauce:
Brown sugar
Chopped (not finely) almonds
Melted butter
Amaretto (alcohol would mostly burn off during prep)
3) Chocolate trifle - concoction made with chocolate cake, chocolate pudding, and whipped cream. Cannot consider a dessert menu without homage to chocolate, Ellen's favorite dessert. I often go to AI for recipes
Chocolate Trifle
Ingredients
1 chocolate cake or pan of brownies, cut into 1-inch cubes
2 packages chocolate instant pudding, prepared with milk
2 cups heavy cream
1/3 cup powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup chocolate chips or chopped dark chocolate
1 cup crushed chocolate sandwich cookies or toffee bits
Optional: 2–3 tbsp coffee or espresso to drizzle over the cake
Optional: raspberries or sliced strawberries for acidity
Method
Bake and cool the cake or brownies completely.
Make the chocolate pudding and chill it.
Whip the cream with powdered sugar and vanilla until soft-medium peaks form.
In a large glass bowl, layer:
chocolate cake
a light drizzle of coffee, if using
chocolate pudding
whipped cream
chopped chocolate
cookie or toffee crunch
Repeat the layers until the bowl is full.
Finish with whipped cream and chocolate shavings.
Refrigerate at least 4 hours, preferably overnight.
The overnight rest is important: the cake softens slightly, the chocolate flavors deepen, and the whole thing becomes cohesive without turning mushy.
If you want the version I’d make for company, I’d use brownies instead of cake, dark chocolate pudding, whipped cream, Heath bar pieces, and raspberries. The fruit and bitterness keep the dessert from becoming cloying.
Great coaches have a "keen sense of the obvious." Coaches want their teams to be playing their best and doing that consistently.
Part of that is getting the best players and combinations of players on the court as often as possible. When fouls (basketball), rotations, or injury prevent that from happening, frustration magnifies.
Some players have a 'mercurial' capacity to deliver great moments or great angst.
One of basketball's elite coaches explains in thirty seconds.
In addition to being a 'thinking person's game', volleyball is a game of preparation and movement.
Pre-serve routine establishes a rhythm for the toss and armswing.
Footwork sets up your platform. "Be where your feet are" is good advice for serve receive.
Most pin hitters have an extended runway with a three step approach to optimize their lift, timing, and contact.
Every day at practice or working out on your own, you build mental muscles of habit and discipline that carry over to game play.
Here are five key lessons from James Clear's Atomic Habits as shared by ChatGPT Plus:
Get 1% better. Small improvements compound. A cleaner platform, earlier feet, louder communication, one fewer service error—none looks dramatic today, but repeated daily they change a player. “Every day is player development day” fits Clear perfectly.
Build identity, not just goals. “I want to be a better passer” is weaker than “I am a player who gets stopped, balanced, and ready before contact.” Clear’s point is that lasting habits become evidence for who we believe we are. In volleyball: become the player who does the right thing automatically.
Make good habits easy. Environment matters. Put balls out early. Start warmups the same way. Use the same serve-receive language. Create routines that reduce decision-making. Good systems make desirable behavior the default instead of requiring daily inspiration.
Don’t miss twice. One bad rep, one poor practice, one missed workout, one shanked pass—none matters much by itself. The danger is turning a mistake into a pattern. Reset quickly. The next rep is often more important than the last one.
Systems beat motivation. Goals matter, but players live inside systems: how they practice, recover, communicate, and respond to errors. Everybody wants to win. The separator is whether daily habits support winning when nobody is watching.
Championship habits are usually boring before they become beautiful.
Great teams do simple things well, repeatedly, until execution looks natural.
*Partially based on a MasterClass from Alison Wood Brooks
Most people say that conversation is not their strength. This is different, for example, that 80 percent of drivers say they are better than average.
Dr. Brooks shares simple hints to improve conversation. All of us can benefit. Conversation is a skill.
Remember the acronym TALK
TALK stands for topic, ask, levity, and kindness.
Topics: Prepare (mentally or written) topics you can share with another person. Those would allow you and your conversation partner, especially if not well known, a degree of comfort. We'll start with volleyball - because that is why you're here.
Ask: Have some questions and work on developing better questions. You might not guess the type of questions that I'd want to know about MVB.
Who is the funniest? I might guess Ella or Amelie. I have no idea..
Who is the loudest and the quietest?
Who is the goofiest? "What was that?"
Who is the most serious?
Think about engaging questions.
Levity (humor): Think back to the SUCCESS acronym - simple, unexpected, concrete, credible, emotional stories. Humor is often unexpected, especially from a 'serious' person.
Who was the MVB career "Most Talkative?" Maggie Turner. What if she came in and said, "I'm not talking to you...(pause)...for the ten seconds." That would be a little funny.
Levity isn't easy as don't confuse humor with sarcasm or hurting people's feelings.
Kindness: We've all been on both ends of unkindness. Think of the "Silver Rule" - "Do not do unto others as you would not have them do unto you." Pull up (mentally) the "THINK" acronym.
School and sports help you make friends for a lifetime. In a world of eight billion people, that reflects a kind of fate, 'kismet'.
Develop your conversation skills and they will repay you over and over.
Lagniappe. Baseball is a sport where if you get a hit three times out of ten, you're an All-Star. It's a failure sport. Every sport, every athlete knows failure. Work with it.
Sarah McGowan got her 'second chance' at the Melrose Athletic Hall of Fame induction as she was unable to attend the last ceremony.
A consensus member of the MVB Mount Rushmore elite, she starred on the 2012 State Title team, displaying exceptional individual ability.
Her acceptance speech emphasized the experience and thanks to people who made a difference - Coach Scott Celli, teammates, and exceptional storytelling in the program. And she thanked her husband for allowing to relive her volleyball career far too often.
'There are three kinds of lies - lies, damned lies, and statistics." - Abraham Lincoln
Highlights:
Attacking (kills)
Sabrina 8
Elise 7
Amelie 6
Serving (service points)
Anna 13
Dani 8
Alisa 7
High aces reduce kills; team stats 91.8% serve percent
Digs
Anna 14
Dani 12
Gen 8
Assists
Sadie 21
Anna 3
Receptions
Anna 21
Dani 7
Gen 7
What doesn't show up in statistics? "Got to have it" plays decide games. Melrose closed out the first set from a 23-23 tie and the second from a 22-22 tie. Early in the third set, Alisa had a service run that made a difference.
Lagniappe. An abbreviated history of nicknames. The best nicknames stick because they 'resonate'. You have to be careful because some nicknames stick when they shouldn't. And I cannot publicly tell the greatest nickname story ever, told to me by a patient who earned the nickname as a four year-old...
Coach Scott Celli had never experienced anything like the torrent of injuries brought upon MVB 26.
Quad-Captain Ella Friedlaender out for the season
Leila Kiggundu with a variety of injuries
Alisa Dautovic, a foundational piece, available only lightly
Adriana Santoriello, another keystone, missed two games and played hurt
MVB isn't trafficking in excuses. They've played four of five road matches and no 'weak sisters'. They're 3 and 2; this time last year they were 2 and 3.
They've lost two games to two powerhouse undefeated teams and played competitively against both.
"And then what?"
After a solid win against 3-1 Ipswich, they played their best defense and served well to beat undefeated Lexington. Now they get a couple days off to heal their wounds.
Former Patriots Coach Bill Parcells says, "You are what your record says you are." They can live with that.
Lessons Learned
Depth has "antifragility" limitations. Bill Belichick speaks of "ability and durability." He knows what he's talking about.
"Next player up." Many players have filled and expanded roles. Maggie Shoemaker and Lorena Contin have performed well in the middle and Elise Marchais and Sabrina McArt have punched above their weight outside. "Lefty" Amelie Johnson has allowed offensive diversity as a power hitter from the right pin.
2025 ML12 All-star Sadie Smith has picked up where she left off and added more attack to her game. She's among state leaders in assists. The "core defense" of Anna Burns, Gen Overlan, and Dani DiGiorgio has been solid and played their best all-around game yesterday. Kayla Ton had a career best contribution yesterday.
MVB 26 is in a good spot having survived the opening salvos and played with limited availability from potentially "All-Star" players in Adriana and Alisa.
Presume that every ML12 game will be a battle and relish the reality that "iron sharpens iron."
And the youngbloods are getting exposure to some musical history... Willie Nelson said "there are two kinds of people, those who love Emmylou Harris and those who haven't met her."
All opinions expressed in the blog are solely my own. The blog is not an official publication of any City of Melrose organization. Adapted from my basketball blog*
Coaches are educators. Effective education changes both thinking and behavior.
Current controversies surrounding music personalities and the Houston Texans and Kyrie Irving show the complexity and emotion crossing disciplines and geopolitics.
Student-athletes are partly insulated from "the real world," yet should think about their communications.
Practical Applications
Cognitive dissonance explains the difficulty and psychological discomfort in holding opposing viewpoints simultaneously. Maturity includes tolerating the discomfort of mixed judgments. You can admire the player and reject the opinion. You can dislike the speaker and concede the point.
Stoicism reminds us that we are not obligated to hold an opinion on everything.
Likewise, we are not obligated to share our opinion, recognizing that opinions spark controversy.
A team, employer, sponsor, fan, teammate, or consumer may react to speech in ways the Constitution does not prohibit. An employer may consider our words a "fireable offense" or a governing body might pull our license.
Legal constraints such as libel and slander also might constrain our communication. It is noteworthy that political speech from some elected officials has protection.
Putting the toothpaste back in the tube can become a Herculean task.
Cancel Culture
"Cancel culture" applies when organizations or individuals are boycotted or shunned because of their publicly held beliefs. It's people imposing social or economic consequences on speech they consider unacceptable.
"I'm done with him" or "Bye, Felicia."
Decades ago, Toshiba sold super-secret submarine quieting technology to the Soviet Union. I chose not to buy Toshiba products, not exactly a company-breaker.
Wealthy organizations and basketball superstars often choose not to comment on politics not wanting their "ox to be gored." That's rational to avoid offending fans with different beliefs, attitudes, and values. It's probably more the norm than the exception.
No Easy Answer
One question is "why should we care about celebrity opinion?" A talking head says, "Shut up and dribble" and we can agree, disagree, or choose to ignore both the source and the target.
Each of us sets boundaries for our attitudes, choices, and effort. Many of us learn "children should be seen and not heard" and later "never discuss religion and politics." Life shows us that both are violated consistently.
Before speaking, ask three questions:
Do I know enough?
Does this need to be said?
Am I prepared to own the consequences?
Know what you believe and why you believe it. Choose words and opinions carefully and be prepared to stand behind them.
Lagniappe. Learning to overcome adversity is both essential and a process.
Nick Saban shares an universal truth about resilience and overcoming adversity.
"You gotta have resiliency. You gotta be able to overcome adversity."
"There can be no great victories in life unless you can overcome adversity."
Melrose played its fourth road game of the campaign, traveling to always tough Lexington (2-0), emerging with a 25-23, 25-22, 25-22 sweep.
The win gets Melrose to 3-2 and levels its ML12 record at 2-2.
The word for the day was resilience, as Melrose continues short-handed with Adriana Santoriello out and Alisa Dautovic playing at most half time as she recovers from injury. Leila Kiggundu remains out. Ella Friedlaender is out for the season.
The first set was pretty much an exchange of punch for punch. Melrose had a good start from "Lefty" Amelie Johnson with three early kills and excellent defense from the back among Anna Burns, Dani DiGiorgio, and Gen Overlan.
It was anyone's set until Melrose captured the final two points from 23-23 to take the lead.
The second set was mostly more of the same, punching and countering from the unbeaten Minutewomen. Their excellent setter, sophomore Ela Sari continually created high danger chances for the Lexington front line.
Again Melrose hung close throughout and closed out the set from 22 all with a three point run. Kayla Ton had a couple of key serves off the bench and Sabrina "Air" McArt pounded home critical attacks.
The third set was a different animal. Lexington opened up a quick 4-2 lead before an error gave Melrose the serve. Alisa "Sundance" Dautovic burned in three consecutive rockets to put Melrose in front.
Melrose extended the lead and had what seemed like a prohibitive 23-16 lead. The young Lexington team refused to fold and forced Melrose skipper Scott Celli to take a pair of timeouts down the stretch. At 24-22, Elise Marchais scored with an outside attack and MVB captured the win in the shadow of Battle Green.
Three up:
An impossible task as pretty much everyone who played added to the win. The back row played their most consistent match of the season.
Melrose will get a few days off before back to action with a homestand next week. Getting healthy is the top priority.
More on these matches will follow in the ensuing days.
Melrose Notes:
Lexington is getting underway on their new $656 million dollar high school. Expect the athletic facilities to be top notch.
Melrose traveled well with an enthusiastic cheering section. Noteworthy that Lacy and Devin, Alisa's martial arts instructor, made the trip from Melrose.
