Sports parenting is often a thankless job. It's time-consuming and gawdawful expensive.
Adolescents often play offseason games at inconvenient times (e.g. early), when they're barely awake. And depending on how they played, their mood varies (IYKYK).
Here are a few tips that may resonate:
1. Be positive. Maybe the best words you can say or they can hear are, "I love watching you play."
2. Pack the gym bag the night before with a list (e.g. uniforms, sneakers, extra socks, extra shoelaces, tape, hair ties, band-aids, personal products, meds, contact solution, snacks, hydration, etc.).
3. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Fatigue shows up before thirst.
4. The most useful, least expensive training equipment is a jumprope. Jumping rope helps with coordination, balance, and stamina.
5. Find ways to occupy yourself on the long days sitting on the hard bleachers.
6. Someone loaned me a six part cassette series (late 1980s) on "How to Say No." I only got through one cassette. Big mistake. Adults have to say, "No." That's being the adult.
7. Bonding with the other sports parents was a great part of the experience. They experience the same hopes, dreams, and frustrations as you.
8. Keep a scrapbook. Take pictures and videos and whatever clippings you have from print media. Your children will thank you later.
9. Injuries are unavoidable, one of the worst parts of being a parent. Stretching and proper warmups probably helps. Encourage your children to take ownership.
10.Children hear everything. It's impossible to contain everything all the time. Here's a method for avoiding negativity or 'oversharing'. Talk about baseball. "The Red Sox are killing me" or "Cooperstown isn't casting the bust of Roman Anthony yet." Or another favorite, "Elbow strain? That's the pregame show for ulnar collateral ligament damage and Tommy John surgery."
Every great program 'suffers the details', sweating the small stuff. Bill Belichick emphasized detail. Nick Saban emphasized detail. Geno Auriemma lives the details.
Attention to detail supports sustainable competitive advantage. Attention to detail fine-tunes process.
Process is Old-Fashioned
Detail is old-fashioned. In the early 1970s, Coach Ellis Lane handed out mimeographs before every game with scouting reports of opposing team offense and defense, personnel, and three "keys to victory." His attention to detail helped him earn multiple championships and election to the New England Basketball of Fame.
Process Must Precede Conclusions
Never allow conclusions to drive your decision-making process. Process should drive conclusion. In the early 2000's, NASA's Mission Management Team concluded, despite engineering's safety warnings, that debris risk to the Space Shuttle Columbia was not significant. ‘You know, if there was any real damage done to the wing, there is nothing we can do about it.’ Columbia broke up during reentry. Seven astronauts died and careers died with them.
Detail Touches Every Team Member
Detail (process) touches everything.
Court conditions impact play and safety.
Communication includes knowing the details of your role.
Every practice activity impacts winning.
Preparation leads to skill, strategy, physicality, and psychology.
"Strength and conditioning" impact execution and confidence.
Proper recovery includes sleep, rest, hydration, and nutrition.
Lagniappe 2. The two best servers (in my opinion) in MVB history were Alyssa DiRaffaele and Cassidy Barbaro with aggression and consistency. Neither had a jump serve. Both had pace and movement on the ball. That said, a lot of you have a jump serve. In the video, Coach Artie explains the "jump toppy" and rationale. The analogy for baseball/softball players is pitcher extension. Release closer to the batter and shave microseconds off of reaction time.
Derrick White looked surprised when I announced to him that he was the subject of my postgame story last night, after he tallied 6 points, 5 rebounds, and 4 assists: https://t.co/6dtYiUN7G2pic.twitter.com/8vvz3a8OdP
Coaches and bloggers are always on the lookout for special players. Derrick White fits the mold.
He was lightly recruited out of high school and only had a breakout season as a senior at Colorado. He was a back end of the first round NBA draft choice. Traded to the Celtics, he was "discovered" and became both an NBA and Olympic champion.
In the video above, after getting an assist late in the first half, he sprints back and takes away an easy layup just as the horn sounds.
How do you want to be remembered as a player?
As someone who:
Scored points?
Or someone who changed possessions?
Because long after the stats fade, what remains is this:
Did you play for yourself - or did you play for the team?
Coaches say the same things using different words.
Geno Auriemma shares what he looks for in recruits and his non-negotiables.
"When I watch them play...plays their butt off every possession. They come down here, they get a rebound, they outlet it, and they get a layup at the other end. Then they run back, block a shot, go down… https://t.co/cyCTGJIlTZpic.twitter.com/GYZcIXO2yN
— Coach AJ 🎯 Mental Fitness (@coachajkings) April 1, 2026
The exceptional player isn't about attack/block, dig/pass, serve or set...they "give the game what the game needs." They make the play "in the moment" to help push the ball over the line.
She wasn't a dominant attacker and didn't lead the team in service points, blocks, or digs. She had fewer than 350 career kills. And she did everything well, especially in the biggest games on the biggest stages.
What she was added so much to a Championship season. Celtics Coach Joe Mazzulla would describe her as a "connector."
Lagniappe. If you want a role, find a way to earn trust.
All opinions expressed in the blog are solely my own. This blog is not an official publication of any City of Melrose Institution.
""When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less" is a central exchange in Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking-Glass.This statement reflects Humpty Dumpty's belief in absolute control over language, asserting that meaning is entirely subjective and determined by the speaker.Alice challenges this notion, questioning whether one can make words mean so many different things, to which Humpty Dumpty replies that the real issue is which party should be master - a point that underscores the power dynamics inherent in communication." - Brave AI
Think and communicate better.
Our speech or writing may be unclear, misunderstood, or open to interpretation. The more specific, the better the chance that others understand us. We can say, "she gives great effort" with sincerity or sarcasm, depending on our tone or body language (e.g. eye rolls).
Volleyball application. As a mentor or player, be alert to confusion. When unsure, ask for clarity.
People hear what they want to hear.
When you broadcast a sporting event and say, "Suzie Jones had an excellent performance tonight," some will hear, "you didn't say anything good about my daughter" or "you mean Suzie had a standout game amidst a sea of mediocrity?"
Volleyball application. Find out. At Annapolis, plebes learn the "five answers" - yes, sir, no, sir, aye aye, sir, right away, sir, and "I don't know but I'll find out, sir."
Get clarity.
"What did you mean by that?" can be humbling or embarrassing. We may have been distracted, unfocused, or couldn't hear. But if we want to understand and not just respond, clarification helps. And we have to ask for that unless a speaker reads confusion in our expression.
Volleyball application. Be sure that you're on the same page. Don't be caught in, "The Valley of Death." (The poem refers to The Charge of the Light Brigade where miscommunication led to a fatal ambush.)
Truth isn't always well-received.
Lefty Gomez, at the end of his career said, “I’m throwing the ball just as hard as I ever did. It’s just not getting there as fast.”
Form begets function. Mediocre technique underperforms relative to having good technique. If we apply the achievement equation (ACHIEVEMENT = PERFORMANCE x TIME), then working on form benefits achievement.
Volleyball application. Coaching isn't criticism. Coaching intends to help you improve, not to damage your ego or self-esteem.
"Chase perfection to catch excellence." Ask your coaches where and how you can improve.
Lagniappe. If I wrote, "Exposure to nature makes us both happier and kinder," that could be an opinion or actually based on scientific research. Or that could be a "think again" moment exposed by a favorite book, "Deep Survival" by Laurence Gonzales about the hazards of nature.
Lagniappe 2. There's no "one size fits all." You may hit off the high hands, line or crosscourt, cut, tip, or push off the block.
What is your mindset as part of MVB? Here are a few ideas based upon three decades of sports parenting (MVB 2002-2005), observation, and writing. Mindset matters.
Team first. Everyone can be a great teammate.
"Fight for your culture daily." Share. Learn. Mentor.
The best players make everyone around them better.
"You become what you believe."
"We make our habits and our habits make us."
"Champions do extra."
"How you do anything is how you do everything." Take care of business at home, in school, and in sports.
"Sport rewards explosive athleticism."
Impact the game. Compete. MVB greats are fierce. MVB showed exceptional competitiveness against an elite team.
Be ready. It's always too late to get ready.
Everyone can lead. Leadership is more than title.
Everyone gets opportunities. Not everyone can convert them into performance.
Lagniappe. Dawn Staley didn't have an easy path to star player, NCAA championship coach, or US Women's National Team Coach.
Players need something to force their way onto the court...in basketball players need a "go to" and "counter" move.
In baseball, the pitcher needs an "out pitch." Hitters are so good now that many need two out pitches.
Your Volleyball Skills
Front row players must attack and block.
Back row players must dig and pass.
Setters set and block.
Servers must serve and defend.
The more versatile you are, the more consistent, the more you enter the "circle of trust."
Better Questions
How can I impact winning?
What key skills improve my "volleyball profile?"
How can I become more athletic (power, quickness, vertical jump)?
What's my plan?
Players are sophisticated. They have an idea of who played last season and what iterations of the "depth chart" exist. Performance not politics will decide roles.
Reputation and rankings don't define success. Daily habits leading to fundamental consistency, aggressiveness, and execution define results.
"Confidence comes from proven success," said Bill Parcells. Earned self-belief and the investment of time define competitive greatness and help achieve the "asymptote of excellence."
All of us have "limitations" set by our physical and mental makeup. Those set our performance "ceiling." The student-athletes with a mindset of success, mentoring, and culture raise their position along the 'theoretical' curve.
Define your destiny. Years ago we attended a Melrose girls basketball game at another ML venue. The opposition girls were sitting in the stands. One said to a teammate, "if we're lucky, we'll only lose by thirty." They weren't.
Coach Ellis Lane told his team decades ago before a playoff game, "This team is good. They can give you a game." The players looked at each other, thinking "That is not happening." The final score? 76-23 with the starters playing minimally the second half after leading 45-10 at halftime.
"Repetitions make reputations."
Lagniappe. Do. Not. Quit. Video from 2005 State Championship.
In reality, people try that regularly. Rather than face competition from a fresh face, some put the promising newcomer on the "back burner," disallowing them to outshine senior staff.
Max Planck famously said, "Science advances one funeral at a time."
In Carl Pierson's The Politics of Coaching, he shares how parents of upperclassmen sometimes prevent rising freshmen from competing on Summer League squads. It's only natural that parents advocate for their children.
Regardless of whether you're an upperclassman or a youngster, put team first and strive to help all teammates. Better to be seen as "magnanimous" than be exposed as selfish.
Save this quote from Maya Angelou:
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
