The Best Messages are Simple, Credible, Specific, and Emotional*

All opinions expressed in the blog are solely my own. The blog is not an official publication of any City of Melrose organization. *This piece is adapted from my basketball blog. AI assists are credited. 

Why can we remember "art" better than "life" sometimes? What inspirational messages do you remember from your playing or coaching days? 

One I remember vividly was after a two point loss to the defending state champions. Coach Ellis Lane read us the riot act for about 45 minutes. He told us that we lost because their jerseys said, "LEXINGTON..." and that "the better team lost." The message wasn't that we were losers but that we choked because we didn't believe in ourselves. He told us "WE won't lose to them again."

In the rematch, we crushed them 70-52 at their gym. You could hear a pin drop in the fourth quarter. And in the Sectional Final, we beat them in overtime in Boston Garden. Belief is powerful. 

What matters more, the "professionalism" of doing everything the right way - at home, in school, on the court - or artificial injection of connection and confidence? 

Coach Mike Krzyzewski of the US Men's National Team asked the team to take a moment to think about what it would be like to stand before the Olympic Final. He told them to reflect on the one person who was most responsible for helping them get to that moment. He dismissed them. When they returned to their rooms, each had their Olympic uniform laid out on their bed. Imagine that moment. 

Do pregame "Pep Talks" make a difference? Here's AI input: 

The concept of the "pregame speech" is a staple of sports cinema, but in reality, its effectiveness depends heavily on arousal regulation—the science of getting an athlete’s heart rate and focus into the "sweet spot" for performance.

1. The Anatomy of a Great Pep Talk

According to Motivating Language Theory (MLT), an effective talk generally balances three specific types of communication:

• Direction-Giving (Uncertainty Reduction): Clarifying the plan. "We focus on the transition game; we stick to the man-to-man defense." This reduces anxiety by providing a sense of control.

• Empathetic Language (The "We" Factor): Acknowledging the difficulty of the task and the bond of the team. This builds social cohesion.

• Meaning-Making (The "Why"): Connecting the game to a larger purpose or legacy. This is where the "Churchill-esque" rhetoric lives.

2. Is There Evidence It Works?

The short answer is yes, but with a "decay" factor.

• The Psychological Boost: Studies in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology suggest that motivational speeches can increase self-efficacy (the belief that one can succeed). High self-efficacy is one of the strongest predictors of athletic performance.

• The Physiological Response: A high-energy speech triggers the sympathetic nervous system, releasing adrenaline and increasing heart rate. For sports requiring explosive power or aggression (like football or sprinting), this "up-regulation" is beneficial.

• The Over-Arousal Trap: For sports requiring fine motor skills or high concentration (like golf, archery, or even quarterbacking), an intense pep talk can actually decrease performance by causing "noise" in the nervous system and tightening muscles.

3. Sustainability of "Competitive Fury"

Competitive fury is a high-octane fuel, but it has a very small tank.

• Biological Limits: The "adrenaline dump" experienced during a high-intensity speech usually lasts between 15 to 30 minutes. Once the initial surge wears off, athletes often experience a "crash" or a period of emotional exhaustion.

• Cognitive Narrowing: Intense fury narrows focus. While great for running through a wall, it is terrible for making complex tactical adjustments. If a team relies solely on "fire," they often struggle in the second half when the game shifts from emotion to execution.

• The "Habituation" Problem: If a coach gives a "speech of a lifetime" every Tuesday, the brain stops responding. The most sustainable performance comes from intrinsic motivation and consistent habits, not external emotional spikes.

The Verdict

The best leaders—much like Fergus Connolly might argue—don't rely on "fire and brimstone" to create fury. They use the pregame moment to operationalize wisdom: reducing the chaos of the game into 2-3 actionable cues that the team can execute even when the initial adrenaline fades.

I was never responsible for "consequential" pregame messages. What were the most memorable and meaningful messages I gave? 

1. To Cecilia Kay (current A-10 player) - "You're the best player I ever coached. It's good that you're moving on to other coaches who can take you further." She became a Boston Globe and Boston Herald "Dream Team" player. 

2. To an eighth grade team - "You don't play for me. Don't play for the city, your school, or your family. Play for the girls next to you." 

3. After a devastating loss (as an assistant) - "That was unacceptable effort. How you play is how you live your life." About six months later a player came up to me saying, "That how you play reflects how you live you life" stuff really got to me." 

4. At a breakup dinner for middle school girls (as an assistant) - "There's a famous quote from a legendary football coach (Amos Alonzo Stagg) asked about his team. "Ask me in twenty years and I'll be able to give you a better answer." So far, so good. 

5. Our best player (Samantha Dewey, Richmond, A-10) was out with a family obligation and we were playing a rival in the second game of a back-to-back, having won the first by two points. I asked the girls, "Sam isn't here. Make one more play each, get one more rebound each. Do that and you succeed." A substantial underdog, we won. "One more." 

Messages work when they stick. They stick when they're simple, credible, specific, and emotional. 

Lagniappe. Make it about service.  

Most people think leadership is about control.

But the best leaders know it’s about service.

It means leading with your heart and with a selfless mindset 👇 pic.twitter.com/vQ6s1mrCxk

— Coach AJ 🎯 Mental Fitness (@coachajkings) April 24, 2026

 

"Train It and Trust It"

Athletes can't fix mechanics on the fly. Game time isn't the moment to fix your hitting stance, free throw form, or your arm swing.

Quality repetitions are key to better performance. Mental repetitions also help. See yourself serving Ss - seam, spin, short, sideline, or (weak) sister. 

Regardless of skill or grade level, doubt degrades performance. "Believe it and do it." Visualization and affirmations of identity and performance help.

See your pre-serve routine, your toss, contact, and follow-through into a great serve. Watching video to imprint this also offers reinforcement. Then practice purposefully.How are you doing today?

“A volleyball player has to put aside all thoughts of past failures, and trust that her next swing send a shot where he aims it. He has to develop the basketball shooters mentality.” - modified from Bob Rotella

The same principles apply for attack, block, receive, and setting. Believe it, see it, and do it.

“Train it and trust it.”

Commit to a Program of Improvement: The SMART Way

“You don’t rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” — James Clear

The off-season is the best season - a time to build habits that separate dreamers from doers. Improvement happens not by accident but by design.

SMART goals give you that design: Specific, Measurable, Assignable, Realistic, and Time-bound.

Let’s break down how volleyball players - or any athlete - can use this framework to improve skill, strength, and mindset. Keep your plan in your notebook. Document and monitor your progress. 

S - Specific

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Define exactly what you want to do. “Get better at volleyball” is too vague.

A better goal:

“I will play club volleyball this winter, attend at least 90 percent of practices, and complete two off-court strength sessions per week.”

Then get granular:

• Flexibility: 10 minutes dynamic warm-up + 10 minutes cool-down after each practice

• Plyometrics: 3×/week - 3 sets of 10 box jumps, 10 broad jumps, 6 depth drops

• Strength: 2×/week - squats, lunges, push-ups, pull-ups (3 sets each)

• Core: planks, side planks, dead bugs, 3×45 seconds each

Start with lower goals if needed. Specificity transforms intention into a roadmap.

M - Measurable

“Winners are trackers.” - Darren Hardy, The Compound Effect

If you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it. Establish a baseline and a check-in schedule every 6–8 weeks.

Examples:

• Spike touch: current 8′ 3″ → target 9′ 0″

• Broad jump: current 6′ 6″ → target 7′ 3″

• 3-cone drill: current 8 sec → target 7.5 sec

Tracking keeps motivation honest and progress visible.

A - Assignable

“You own your paycheck.”

Improvement doesn’t outsource. It belongs to you.
Choose a training partner or accountability teammate to raise your consistency.

Example:

“We’ll lift Tuesdays and Fridays together. If one misses, the other texts ‘Don’t miss twice.’”

When effort becomes habit, discipline replaces motivation.

R - Realistic

“Faith and Patience flank the top of the Pyramid of Success.”

Ambition without realism breeds disappointment.
If your vertical is 12″ today, it won’t be 30″ next month. But it can be 15″ in two months, 18″ by summer, and 20″ next season.

Progress is like compound interest - slow, steady, unstoppable when consistent.

T - Time-bound

“A goal is a dream with a deadline.” - Napoleon Hill

Set a defined time frame - 8–12 weeks is ideal.

• Phase 1: Establish baseline and routine (Weeks 1-4)

• Phase 2: Build intensity and track progress (Weeks 5-8)

• Phase 3: Re-evaluate and adjust (Weeks 9-12)

Time limits create urgency; resets create reflection.
Growth is not a straight line - it’s a cycle of revision.

Improvement isn’t random. It’s a commitment to structure, reflection, and persistence.

When you combine Specific plans, Measurable progress, Assignable responsibility, Realistic expectations, and Time-bound review - you’ve built a system, not a slogan.

And systems win.

“Discipline equals freedom.” - Jocko Willink

Lagniappe. "The magic is in the work." 

Extending the Must, Needs, Wants Framework

MUSTS, NEEDS, WANTS. At the end of each season, former Patriots Coach Bill Parcells took out a sheet of paper and divided it into three sections - MUSTS, NEEDS, WANTS.

That's a constructive, priority-based approach.

It's not enough for many teams. Extend the framework with blended character and competence based columns - VALUES, STANDARDS, GOALS.

These are possibilities, not even suggestions. The best teams construct their own values, standards, and goals. 

Control what you can control. Everyone wants health and luck (how the ball bounces, officiating), but those are beyond control. 

Focus on process before results. Values come before standards. Without values, standards are seldom achieved. Without standards, goals are never achieved. 

Even the best framework is only words. The best teams translate their words into actions. Actions produce results and results promote belief. Circle back to Parcells who also said, "Confidence comes from proven success." 

What are your values, standards, and goals? 

Lagniappe. This informs two lessons - making others better and players totally focused in the moment. 

#MeyerMonday! https://t.co/p8UhOeUDmr

— David Edwards (@davidpedwards1) April 6, 2026

What Separates Excellence?

Who are you and what makes you tick as a team?

This informs special.

Kite Flying

Tom Kite writes the forward to “Golf Is Not a Game of Perfect.” He shares that in the 12 years before meeting the author he won five tournaments. In the next ten years he won 14 because of a better mental approach.

He says that on the Tour, the game is 90 percent mental.

Mental strength helps you in every activity. It helps you close out sets when ahead and come back when trailing. 

- Believe in yourself.

- Do not show opponents weakness

- Body language is a huge part of communication 

Most people become what they believe they are.  Use mental strength to become a champion.

Moment of Truth

Tony Bennett shares a masterclass on humility and why most people get it wrong.

"When we talk to our young men about what humility means, it's twofold and sometimes it's not what you think."

"Don't think too highly of yourself. If you wanna turn people off, walk around… pic.twitter.com/9YuM0MxZ4A

— Coach AJ 🎯 Mental Fitness (@coachajkings) April 9, 2026

"The only way to move ahead becomes to leave the past behind."

Everyone has practices or games beset with failure. In soccer, you feel as though you have "two left feet" or in baseball you're "wild in the strike zone" (throwing fat pitches) or "overmatched" at bat.

Excellent players learn from losses and move on, applying wisdom forced by failure. Bad serves, wild attacks, and shanked balls are part of everyone's history. Move on. 

Three Primary Tests

• "Always do your best."
• "Make everyone around you better."
• "Impact the game." (Give the game what it needs.)

Passing the Tests

• Attention to detail in preparation and play
• Play in the moment. "Next play."
• Serve the team. Do what is in the best interest of others.

Sweating the Small Stuff

• Ask "What does our team need now?"
• Learn to refocus (key words - this play, or "take a breath."
• Communicate to inform and energize teammates. 

Some players have the character and competence to dominate play for stretches. Others "recruit" teammates in the moment to raise the level of team play...the Maggie Turners who are the "mouth in the house." Being a vocal leader is a superpower, too. 

A player doesn't need double digit digs, bushels of blocks, or armies of attacks to earn trust and get on the floor. But they have to contribute something positive. Impact the team.

Lagniappe. Department of redundancy department. Award yourself athleticism. When you walk onto the court at tryouts, two abilities stand out - skill and athleticism. They're the "wow factor." 

8 plyometrics to enhance your athleticism!

1. Quadruple broad jump
2. SL hurdle to lateral jump
3. Depth jump to broad jump
4. Repeat maximal pogo jump
5. “Double,” box jump
6. SL drop jump
7. Lateral jump to 1/4 turn box jump
8. Maximal skater jump pic.twitter.com/SuWdqF9J59

— Gerry DeFilippo (@Challenger_ST) March 20, 2026

 

The Power of One

Bob Rotella's book, Golf Is Not a Game of Perfect, explores the power of the mind. Often your opponent is yourself.

He argues for the most difficult attention - efficiency and effectiveness to pursue excellence with every shot, every day. 

That's not advice to play well today or tomorrow. He challenges players to focus completely whether it's on the putting green or the tee box on the 18th hole.

That means complete attention to reading a set or the first chapter of Moby Dick. It means listening to parents with the same intent as hearing Coach Celli.

Rotella explains how at his peak, Tiger Woods finished every practice making a hundred consecutive eight foot putts. He didn't miss anything inside four feet that golf season.

Cultivating focus is about learning how to practice attention. If you want to be your best, then start now.

"It's What You Sign Up For"

Joe Mazzulla with an inspiring message:

“Too many times it’s all about winning, winning, winning. You have to surrender to the idea that when you’re going after that you’re gonna fail, we failed by not winning, but we stick to the process of being able to do that.” pic.twitter.com/SkaZsa8lI9

— SM Highlights (@SMHighlights1) May 3, 2026

Winning is hard. As Coach Celli says, you need to be good, stay healthy, and have some luck.

Every season ends in tears. 2012 shared tears of joy. Every other season brought tears of sadness, including nine other sectional championships and three other State Finals. 

Two of the harshest words in sport are "if only." If only Laura Irwin and Carol Higonenq hadn't gotten hurt. If only a star player's thumb hadn't touched the net in 2003.  

That's sports. It's 'what you sign up for.'

Improve Your Presentations

People partly judge us on how we present ourselves, including on our communication skills. "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." Be better by applying lessons from Carmine Gallo's Talk Like TED.

Cover Three Areas

"Presentations should cover no more than three aspects in fifteen minutes." - Talk Like Ted, Carmine Gallo 

People tune out boring lecturers. The Greeks said three factors influenced others ethos (character), logos (logic), and pathos (emotion). The best talks rely on pathos manifesting as passion. Tell great stories. Paint mental pictures. 

Be Novel, Emotional, Memorable

Quality presentations had three prominent features - novel, emotional, and memorable. 

Be original. Everyone can be more creative, more influential. Business leaders were shocked when they heard that introverts were often the most creative people in the room. They thought the loudest voice was the smartest. You know the saying, "An empty barrel makes the most noise." 

Learn across domains. Basketball Hall of Fame Coach Chuck Daly said, "I'm a salesman." Think how you can sell yourself. 

The last song Doug Collins heard before the 1972 Olympic game against Russia was, "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?" 

Bring emotion. Make emotion a feature not a bug. Big events leave big marks, indelible mental ink. That's literally "the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat." 

Be memorable. Geno Auriemma took questions after a UCONN practice. Someone asked, "were you nice because you had an audience?" "No, I was nice because they're babies. If I yell, they think, "Coach hates me.""

Bill Gates gives a lecture on infections. 

 

You're a Salesman; Sell Belief

What leaves the greatest impact on people? Belief. When you hear, "I believe in you" or tell a player, "you're the best player I've ever coached," they will never forget that moment. 

Include novelty, emotion, humor. 

Make them better.

Lagniappe. Adversity is inevitable. Be the 'guy' who is steady, consistent in discipline, effort, and response every single day. 

Kyle Shanahan said, "The guys that I like are the guys that I know what I am getting."

"The guy who is the same in adversity as he is when someone is praising him, that’s the guy I want to follow."

It means bring consistency in your actions, attitude, and approach. pic.twitter.com/ulIzTdy6fb

— Coach AJ 🎯 Mental Fitness (@coachajkings) May 1, 2026

Word Power (Print and Save?)

Test taking is an inexorable fact. Having a greater command of words helps your reading comprehension and sometimes expression.

Good writers look words that fit. They may seek nuance in meaning, alliteration, or a word that fits a situation.  

For example, the words preordination and predestination have some theological roots, while destiny, fate, and kismet are more often used. However, kismet often occurs in the context of relationships. 

Here's an "SAT" word list...many of which do not often show up in daily conversation. 

And as a bonus a couple of other "word treats"

"I" before "E" except after "C" or when sounded like "A" as in "neighbor" or "weigh." Here's an exception sentence (doesn't include every example):

Neither foreign financier seized either species of weird leisure.

Lagniappe. Reminder. Many sports take advantage of angles in contacting or passing the ball. Ball, meet platform.  

Ten Lessons Learned About Volleyball in 24 Years

Every sport informs its peculiar lessons. As Yogi Berra said, “You can observe a lot just by watching.” Some things stay the same. Here are ten claims:

1. Win more points. You won’t beat top teams by waiting for their mistakes.

2. The best teams have “closers,” players that win points with the game on the line. A last season MVB review showed that about 30 percent of sets were decided by 2-3 points. Closers finish the job. 

3. As a momentum game, volleyball demands that you stop runs. Find ways to maintain momentum on offense and defuse it on defense. Continual mistakes lead to "death by a thousand cuts."

4. Positive points accrue via serve, attacks, and block kills. That doesn’t negate defense; excellent defense limits opponent aces, attacks, and blocks. 

5. Volleyball is a thinking person’s game. A lot happens in little time. Experience grows instinct. 

6. You can become “solid” without being an exceptional athlete but you won’t become elite. Reward yourself more athleticism. Have a plan, follow it, and track it. 

7. Because many teams have improved with the growth of the sport, winning takes more. All four legs of the stool need stability- skill, strategy, physicality, and resilience.

8. Infrastructure - starting young with the extraordinary commitment of families makes a world of difference. Chase perfection and catch excellence. 

9. Top teams have no weak links. You can’t hide a core weakness - attacking, blocking, or serve receive. If you can’t control your side defensively, opponents capitalize on that weakness. Remember, a Sun Tzu message from The Art of War, "Utilize strengths; attack weaknesses."

10. To advance deep in the postseason in basketball or volleyball you need three “hitters,” the players who "put the ball down." Offensive balance guarantees nothing but it doesn’t hurt. There’s still only one MVB team with three attackers with 200 or more kills in the same season - the 2005 State Finals team. 

This is the best example - the 2012 team had no weaknesses and three dynamic scorers - Sarah McGowan, Jen Cain, and Rachel Johnson. 

Lagniappe. Develop your finish. 

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Principles from Dr. Fergus Connolly

14 Principles

Dr. Fergus Connolly has worked with top organizations across business,  military special forces, and sport. 

Read his PRINCIPLES carefully and consider how to use them. These three resonated for me: 

1. "Protect your attention ruthlessly. Not every distraction deserves a response." (The ability to focus is a superpower. It works in the classroom and on the court.) It's a vital element of coaching and coachability. 

2. "Win through better reasoning, not louder voices." There's an old saying that "an empty barrel makes the loudest noise." Others have said it well, like Shakespeare:

Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5, “It is a tale, Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.” 

Learn what to embrace and what to ignore, separating signal from noise. 

3. "How you speak to yourself determines your capacity to lead."

The voice we hear most often is our own. Our attitude, choices, and effort flow from our ability to filter and apply from that firehose of information. Nobody can drink from a firehose. Sorting allows us to transform thoughts into action. "I should work out today" becomes "I'm working out when others are not." 

Lagniappe. "As a grandfather, I consider it my right and responsibility to dispense hard-earned wisdom, whether it’s requested or not." - General Stanley McChrystal in "Character"

Lagniappe 2. Make it happen. 

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