Parent Meetings

All opinions expressed in the blog are solely my own. The blog is not an official publication of any City of Melrose organization.  

How one coach stopped “dealing with parents” ↓

Just before winning a state title in 2016, he changed ONE sentence at parent meetings…

It completely changed his program 🧵 pic.twitter.com/tf8xWoCGIE

— CoachLync | Tools & Playbooks (@CoachLync) May 17, 2026

Most coaches have parent meetings. When I coached (Middle School Travel Basketball), I only had one parent tell me directly that he thought I was a terrible coach. I'm sure others felt that way. Never dismiss criticism out of hand...disagreement doesn't mean misinformation. 

First, I was a volunteer coach. I sponsored entry into two preseason tournaments and hosted an end of season catered gathering at our home to celebrate the experience. In other words, I invested in the program and their children because I believed in them. 

Second, I sent periodic updates to parents with "sandwich technique" - praise, then an area to improve, then praise. A player could be an excellent athlete and yet not have much aptitude for sport. 

Third, I stayed consistent with a team philosophy - teamwork, improvement, accountability. Work to become good enough to compete for a role on the varsity team as a freshman. This invariably brought young players into conflict with older players whose parents sometimes felt displaced. 

Fourth, I called it "The Prime Directive." That derived from Star Trek for older readers. Parents have the DNA of advocacy for their child. It takes a lot to put the team first, although some parents absolutely did (including some current MVB parents whose other children I coached).  

Fifth, parents sacrifice an incredible amount of time and money investing in their children's success. Youth sports has become a 40 billion dollar enterprise, high stakes with no guarantees. Few see the pot of gold at the end of a mythical rainbow. 

In other words, it's complicated. Players and families pour their hearts and souls into sport and question the value. For young (preteen) athletes, play several sports and build athleticism while having fun. Build the child up and keep the costs down. 

Sometimes you get the "special player," the once or twice in a generation player. Basketball maven Herb Welling called me and said, "You have to take care of her." 

When you invest in a player who ends up playing at a high level, you don't owe apologies to the players who didn't make the same commitment to show up twice a week for what effectively became private coaching. The player deserves the credit. But that also doesn't mean their priorities were wrong. In Stoicism, they might call that a consequence of Free Will. 

After the parents, the player's biggest booster is "Coach." And as Brad Stevens says, "Coaches get more than we give."