The Reality for Success

KIRK HERBSTREIT ON PARENTING

"I'm cool with my kids failing... It's part of the process. Every day there is adversity... They have to learn how to deal with junk... It's okay to make a mistake. Get back up and let's keep going forward."

~ @KirkHerbstreit @thewinningdiff1 pic.twitter.com/yngEUI2Ri6

— Jamy Bechler (@jamybechler) September 1, 2026

Return to the "four pillars" of development:

Technique (skill)

Tactics (strategy, volleyball IQ)

Physicality (athleticism)

Psychology (mental game, resilience)

Setbacks and disappointments are part of the game. The Japanese proverb "Fall down seven times, get up eight" is a cultural maxim emphasizing resilience, perseverance, and the refusal to surrender.

The ability to persist is a superpower. Another cultural message is "chop wood, carry water." Stick to the fundamentals. 

Study leaders, coaches, and exceptional players and you always find both skill and will.

The great John Wooden won his first championship at UCLA in his 16th season. Dean Smith, who coached Michael Jordan at UNC, won his first title in his 21st season. Students burned him in effigy in his first year.

Lagniappe. Coaches have a mental "depth" chart of players and roles. If you're dissatisfied with your status, keep working. Persist. 

Here's an approximation of positional distribution (alphabetical)

 

 

 

 

 

Coaches Help but "The Lord Helps Those Who Help Themselves"

All opinions shared in the blog are solely my own. The blog is not an official publication of any City of Melrose organization. 

Life comes without an instruction manual. Over time, you become your own coach - seeking resources that add clarity, specificity, and simplicity.

Develop your own list. 

A coach's prime responsibility is helping players to "see the game." - Pete Newell

Inspire. Nobody can achieve much if they only work when they feel like it. Learn to motivate yourself and draw inspiration from the world. 

"Mentoring is the only shortcut to excellence." Find a mentor. Mr. Rogers said it another way, "Look for the helpers." 

"Via negativa." Learn to subtract as well as add from your core. What techniques, beliefs, and drills no longer apply. "Less is more."  

"Make sure your work is good enough that you would put your name on it." - George Roberts

Exceptional players are ordinary people whose work ethic allows them to do extraordinary things. 

"Video is the Truth Machine." Work to harmonize what you think you see with what actually happens. 

"Mistakes kill dreams." Volleyball is a game of momentum. Learn to get stops by avoiding errors and maintain runs by making plays. 

Self-assess. "How can I get better today?" About 2,500 years ago, Sun Tzu wrote, "Every battle is won before it is fought." 

Develop a core philosophy. Think of a list of attitudes, beliefs, values, and standards. Then use the "25-5 principle" to choose the best. 

Accept the truth, live the truth, tell the truth. Great players thirst for the truth. 

These are just a few ideas, many stolen from others. Remember what Picasso said, "Good artists borrow; great artists steal." 

Lagniappe. All of you are good volleyball players. What many of you want is to become exceptional. Some of you will gain more athleticism as you grow and mature. In the meantime, cultivate it. Voltaire said, "It is up to us to cultivate our garden." 

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Clear Thinking

"Share something great." 

James Clear, bestselling author of Atomic Habits, shares a weekly free newsletter called 3-2-1. 

It's worth investing our two minutes to read and to reflect upon. 

Remember that "We make our habits and our habits make us." 

Boston Herald Preview

<crickets>

Under the radar 

Lessons from History and Literature*

All opinions expressed in the blog are solely my own. The blog is not an official publication of any City of Melrose organization. 

*Adapted from my basketball blog. 

Volleyball is not war, yet presents metaphorical battles and concepts available to us. More than ten years of Navy service taught lessons. History teaches more. 

"I can learn." 

Bowdoin Professor turned Congressional Medal of Honor recipient Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain explained how an untrained Rhetoric professor became a hero at Gettysburg. 

Volleyball - Develop a learning culture. 

"Always forward."  

General Alexander Suvorov was the "General who never lost." He treated his mean well, was committed to training, and never retreated. 

Volleyball - Earn the right to confidence via high performance.

"Every battle is won before it is fought."

Sun Tzu's The Art of War is a timeless classic from over 2500 years ago. He believed that preparation and a host of principles set strategic standards. 

Volleyball - Preparation, practice, and performance follow intent. 

"We will fight in the shade."

According to the historian Herodotus, a native of Trachis warned Dienekes that the Persian arrows were so numerous they would blot out the sun. Dienekes answered, "Good; then we will fight in the shade."

Volleyball - Think "Whatever it takes."

"Duty. Honor. Country."

MacArthur's legendary "Address to Graduates" (West Point) emphasizes the core values of the service academy. 

Volleyball - Distill standards and values. Character. Sportsmanship. Community. 

 "Find one more thing." 

General Hal Moore argued that there was always "one more thing" that could be done to help earn victory. Include that concept into your philosophy and teach it to our players. 

Volleyball - Our basketball training and experience can shape us to become more when we're willing to apply what we know and sometimes to think "outside of the box." 

"You can’t help when or what you were born, you may not be able to help how you die; but you can—and you should—try to pass the days between as a good man.” - Sam Damon in "Once an Eagle"

We can't choose our size, our biological limitations, or our upbringing. We can choose our attitude, our choices, and our effort to grow our character and competence.

Volleyball - Everyone can't become an exceptional player. We can choose to become an exceptional teammate and the best leader we can be.

Lagniappe. Authentic likability is a skill.  

“No matter what business you are in, you are in the people business…People don’t listen to people they don’t like…Likable people get further.”
Chapter 5 — ‘Excellence is an Attitude’#ConsistentExcellence
📕 https://t.co/TZRmg6R93u pic.twitter.com/H0gs3bLzrZ

— Allistair McCaw (@AllistairMcCaw) August 28, 2026

Lagniappe 2. Believe that by modeling excellence that we can help young people develop both character and competence. Most of us do. 

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Team Sports Aren't About Us

Ben McCollum said, "Your job is to not be here for yourself - but it’s to be here for everybody else."

Great teams are built of selflessness.
• You show up for each other.
• You sacrifice for each other.
• You win with each other.
(@IowaHoops)pic.twitter.com/1TvWjfbDY9

— Coach AJ 🎯 Mental Fitness (@coachajkings) September 3, 2026

Great culture is about team, playing relentlessly for those around us.  

Do Your Best with Kobe Bryant's Ten Rules

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz has a big following. The fourth, "Always do your best," resonates for many. Coaches help players and teams build character and competence. 

The second section of Colin Powell's book It Worked for Me, starts with a chapter, "Always Do Your Best, Someone Is Watching." 

One pundit said he noticed a kid shooting repeatedly half an hour before summer camp activities started. The kid turned out to be Steph Curry. As Bill Walsh wrote, "Champions behave like champions before they are."

The best take pride in their preparation, not just performance. When you give your best, it limits regret. Regret stays with us. 

How many times in our lives has opportunity arisen because someone saw us giving our best and intervened to help? It doesn't matter whether their motive was altruism or self-interest. It's satisfying to have the resourcefulness to pull yourself up by the bootstraps. It's another to be gifted boots. 

Reflect on the many tryouts you've attended or supervised. 

• Finding the "It Girl," the player who has "It."
• Seeing a spark that intrigues you.
• Spotting untapped potential in a youngster with athleticism, size, and skill.

Remember the story of Naomi, the little sixth grader who came up to me two minutes before tryouts and said, "Coach, I am really excited to be here." Isn't that the point? 

Summary:

• "Always do your best. Someone is watching."
• "Every day is showtime."
• "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."

Lagniappe. Some lists need periodic sharing. Kobe's inhabits that. 

KOBE BRYANT’S 10 RULES:

1 Get better every day
2 Prove them wrong
3 Work on your weaknesses
4 Execute what you practiced
5 Learn from greatness
6 Learn from wins and losses
7 Practice mindfulness
8 Be ambitious
9 Believe in your team
10 Learn storytelling pic.twitter.com/FyW09L7Hjl

— Vala Afshar (@ValaAfshar) May 28, 2026

 

Scrimmages Continue

"Trust the process." North Andover traveled to Melrose for the second preseason scrimmage, affording Coach Scott Celli the opportunity to tinker with lineups. Of course, players also get valuable experience.

Knights and Day

The tempo seemed a little muted relative to Monday as North Andover didn't have as much firepower as Lynnfield, although their defense was certainly credible.

Minor Adjustments

Absent as much 'net power' as Lynnfield, Melrose had fewer opportunities to tune their blocking. They'll continue to work on pressing over the net as opposed to getting hands up. 

Foreshadowing

It's unreasonable to expect the Second Coming of the "Great Wall" of Johnson and Wyland. Yet, possibilities lurk with "force" at the net with new combinations. It's early to 'name names'. 

Rust-oleum

Don't expect midseason form after a few practices. Often the early season defense is ahead of the offense as the pass-set-hit timing requires time and repetitions. 

Communication and Collaboration

On-court talk and teamwork continued to grow. Sadie Smith's setting is a strength and the experience of Anna Burns helps mitigate the difficulty of "out of system" play. 

Depth Charge

Melrose has an abundance of defensive talent. They return Burns, Danni DiGiorgio, Gen Overlan, and Kayla Ton as primary defenders. They also have extensive defensive experience with Swiss Army Knives Alisa Dautovic, Elise Marchais, and Adriana Santoriello, who played libero in the offseason. 

A couple of practices this week setup the big PlayDay Saturday at Winchester which will help players "state their case" to work their way into the early season rotation.

Lagniappe. Seek wisdom through experience. Life shares lessons with us every day, often not necessarily what we want to hear but we need to know. 

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"Always Do Your Best" and That's Enough

The main pillar of inner peace is learning to detach from the need for external validation. It’s OK to appreciate it, but needing it is a dangerous trap that gives your power away.

— Alan Stein, Jr. (@AlanSteinJr) September 2, 2026

You are seen, heard, and valued.

Seek contribution not recognition or validation. Human nature, as expressed by Maslow's Hierarchy, is what it is. 

The best version of ourselves (the apex of the pyramid) becomes "mature simplicity." Make our work ethic - attitude, choices, effort - our brand to find peace of mind.  

Coach Stein is wise to advise not becoming dependent on validation from others. 

"Once a Red Hawk" - Home Scrimmage Today Versus North Andover at 5 P.M.

Anton Myrer's Once an Eagle is a classic novel about military experience, centered around a not subtle comparison between two men - Sam Damon and Courtney Massengale.

The book is exhausting and graphic (2000 pages). Don't read it. This ChatGPT summary has merit:

Sam Damon is the moral center of Anton Myrer's Once an Eagle. He is deliberately constructed as the counterweight to Courtney Massengale: Damon pursues responsibility; Massengale pursues advancement. The publisher's own description captures the distinction—Damon puts “duty, honor, and the men he commands above self-interest,” while Massengale advances through connections and political maneuvering.

For me, Damon's character rests on several traits:

• Duty before ambition. Damon certainly wants responsibility and advancement, but principally because rank allows him to serve and protect soldiers more effectively. His ambition points outward rather than inward.
• Moral courage. Physical bravery is almost taken for granted. More important is his willingness to oppose superiors when he believes their decisions will unnecessarily sacrifice soldiers—even when doing so damages his career.
• Competence. Damon isn't merely virtuous. He studies warfare, prepares obsessively and understands soldiers and terrain. His credibility comes from knowing his craft.
• Empathy without softness. He demands much from his soldiers because circumstances demand it. But he sees them as human beings rather than pieces on a board.
• Humility. He doesn't regard rank as proof of superiority. Authority creates an obligation to those below him.
• Integrity. His behavior remains relatively constant whether anyone important is watching or not.
• Servant leadership. In contemporary terminology, this may be his defining characteristic: the organization and its people don't exist to advance Sam Damon; Sam Damon exists to serve them.

That explains why Once an Eagle has had such extraordinary staying power in American military leadership education. Damon became an archetype of the field commander—the leader whose legitimacy flows upward from competence and downward from the trust of his people rather than from proximity to powerful people.

But Damon isn't quite the perfect hero

This is where I think the novel becomes considerably more interesting.

His devotion to duty extracts an enormous price from Tommy and his family. The qualities that make him an extraordinary soldier sometimes make him an inadequate husband and father. One thoughtful military critique argues that readers make a mistake by reducing the book to Damon good/Massengale bad: Damon has genuine shortcomings, while Massengale possesses abilities—political intelligence, organizational maneuvering, strategic networking—that leaders actually need when used honorably.

That's an important distinction for coaching.

Damon's lesson isn't:

Ignore ambition. Ignore politics. Sacrifice everything for the mission.

It's closer to:

Never allow ambition to become the mission.

And that fits remarkably well with the coaching principles you've been developing. The Damon coach would be a truth-teller, technically competent, demanding but compassionate, willing to accept responsibility when things go badly and give players credit when things go well. Most importantly, players aren't instruments of the coach's success; the coach is entrusted with helping players succeed.

Massengale asks:

What will this do for my career?

Damon asks:

What does the situation require of me?

That may be the enduring character lesson of Once an Eagle: leadership isn't primarily about possessing authority. It's about accepting responsibility.

And there is a very Wooden-like paradox buried in Damon: the person least preoccupied with getting credit often becomes the person others most want to follow. 

Be the person, the player, and the leader whom others want to follow. 

The Hardest Part About Goals

This LinkedIn article addresses a goal setting system...pioneered by a baseball player, Shohei Otani. Some say that he is the best player who ever lived. I'm inclined to agree. 

Here's the "Goal Grid" from the article. 

Here's what ChatGPT Plus created when I asked it to mimic the piece.

Here are some "core beliefs."

1) Trust the process. Your coaches put you in position to succeed. 

2) Make process primary. "The score takes care of itself." 

3) "Always do your best." That requires no regret, no apologies. 

4) Focus. Be present. Play in the moment. "Next play." 

5) Play for the girl next to you. Win together. 

6) Radiate joy. Whether you're a starter or a reserve, show the joy. 

7) Be a great teammate. Be the person that makes others better, whom others want to play with. 

8) Carpe diem... Latin for "seize the day." If you're out with an injury, read the opposing server, the setter, the attack, the defense and you'll become quicker upon your return. 

Sport is about the experience. At a meeting last night, a local resident told me what he heard from a volleyball parent - how excited their daughter is about the experience. 

"A Game of Separation"

Cultivate multiple 

Kingman, Dave Kingman. He had a 16-year Major League Baseball career, hitting 442 home runs. What's not to like? During that time he had 17 "Wins above replacement" (WAR) about one a year. He struck out a lot and was a terrible fielder. He was a home run specialist. 

Contrast the WAR of the Red Sox Cedanne Rafaela (5.5) and Wilyer Abreu (5.4) with a month to go in the season. Rafaela has 13.4 career WAR and hasn't turned 26. At age 27, Abreu has 13 career WAR. 

There's value in becoming an "anti-specialist" (generalist) who adds value in multiple areas that get and keep you on the court. You don't need every skill to earn coaching trust, but you need "separating skills" for your position.

Front row players need to attack and block. The DS needs to dig, pass, serve, and make "out of system" plays. Setters must set, defend, block, and attack with "demonstrated reliability."

The anti-specialist isn't great at everything. She gives the opponent little to attack.

Imagine two outside hitters. Player A crushes the ball but struggles in serve receive, gets tooled, doesn't cover well, and is error-prone. Player B is an 'adequate' hitter but passes, serves, blocks, covers, communicates, reads well, and keeps tough balls alive. Which player adds more value over a hundred plays? 

Volleyball is good exposing weakness because opponents can choose whom and where to attack. The anti-specialist separates by hard to chase off the court. 

Consider a central coaching insight:

Availability earns opportunity. Reliability earns minutes. Versatility keeps them. 

Especially on defense, you become indispensable through consistency. Anna Burns makes plays like the "volleyball robot" - she gets to balls, makes good decisions, and passes well. Coaches don't have to think about her. Less glamorous skills but valued ones.

If you want more time, ask "What weakness could force my coach to substitute me out?" Reduce that weakness. Become the player that a team doesn't want to hide.

"Do well what you do a lot." When a team has players like that across the roster, they become a tough out. "Reliability everywhere" and "excellence somewhere" is a potent force. Separate yourself. 

Lagniappe. Standards vs rules... 

"Standards are for people who aspire to do special things. Rules are for people who can't follow directions."
-Tim Corbin

Rules create order.
Standards create separation.
The teams that do special things expect more than what is simply required. pic.twitter.com/Ukkh0pXSIQ

— The Winning Difference (@thewinningdiff1) August 31, 2026

Attitude

The best competitors carry two mindsets:

Train with the hunger of someone who has never won.

Compete with the confidence of someone who has never lost.

“I train like I’ve never won, and I compete like I’ve never lost.” - Eileen Gu 🔥 https://t.co/VCFVaRAM3r

— Greg Berge (@GregBerge) September 1, 2026

You probably know the saying, "It isn't the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."

This shows up as legacy, literature, and film. Consider:

• "David and Goliath"
• "Hoosiers" (based on a true story)
• "Rocky"
• "Million Dollar Baby"
• "GI Jane"
• "Akeelah and the Bee"
• "Hidden Figures"
• Katniss Everdeen in "The Hunger Games"

If you had a solid performance yesterday, build on it at practice today. Coach Ellis Lane always told us, "I'm pleased but I'm not satisfied." 

Compete. Be fierce. Earn the right to win. 

Radical Candor and More*

All opinions expressed in the blog are solely my own. The blog is not an official publication of any City of Melrose organization. 

*Adapted from my basketball blog

"Share something great." Find a great recipe, quote, movie, book, life hack, or a great play. Share relentlessly. Don Meyer was a great coach and an amazing sharer. Answered questions online...

Coach Michael Neighbors is a sharer, including many "Things I Have Stolen." 

Here's an abbreviated list from Leadership maven Jeff Janssen via Coach Neighbors.  

1. Character Based Credible Coaches are people with great character. 
2. Competent - know the strategies and skills of their sport
3. Caring - real passion for players and coaching 
4. Confidence Builder - their athletes feel good about themselves 
5. Communicator - talk and listen well 
6. Consistent - consistent philosophies and moods 

Seek to be a "better coach than I was yesterday." Strive to model excellence, "utilize strengths" and "attack weaknesses." 

When we find something that resonates for us, "steal it and make it ours." Become one of the "good guys" whose players celebrate "the team experience." 

Believe that we can teach players to defend the outside attack and to defend teammates. Believe that we can teach players to excel on the court and off the court. Believe we can teach players to care about success in basketball and in the classroom. 

There's an "inside view" from people intimately familiar with a team's process - players, coaches, selected 'advisors'. There's also the "outside view" from fans, writers, and other "backseat drivers" - some of whom have considerable expertise but incomplete information. 

Outsiders identify what they see, what could be missing (e.g. hard to defend actions, disciplined spacing, on-court communication, etc.) and will be questioned about their intent or motivation. 

Lagniappe. Use better prompts to get better coaching input from AI, here Google Gemini. 

Prompt: Coaching is about relationships, including "hard conversations." Using principles from 'radical candor' share how a coach might tactfully respond to parental concerns about their child's playing time. For example, include three dos and don'ts and realize some will not be listening...

At its core, Radical Candor is the intersection of Caring Personally and Challenging Directly. When a parent approaches a coach about playing time, the "Radical" part is being honest about the child's current skill level, while the "Candor" part is doing so without being a jerk.

Here is how to navigate those high-tension conversations using these principles.

---

The Radical Candor Approach

In this framework, silence or "sugar-coating" is considered Ruinous Empathy, which ultimately hurts the athlete because they never learn what to improve. Conversely, being blunt without empathy is Obnoxious Aggression.

Three Dos

• Do: Focus on the "Future State." Instead of justifying past benching, frame the conversation around the specific growth required to earn more time. This moves the conversation from a complaint to a roadmap.

• Do: Schedule a "Cooling Off" Window. Radical candor requires presence of mind. Implement a "24-hour rule" after games so that both parties can move out of an emotional state and into a collaborative one.

• Do: Provide Objective Benchmarks. Use data or specific technical milestones. "I care about your child’s development, and right now, their defensive rotation is at a level that limits their safety/efficacy in high-speed play."

Three Don'ts

• Don't: Discuss Other Athletes. Radical candor is about the individual relationship. Comparing a child to a teammate is a shortcut to "Obnoxious Aggression" and creates a toxic culture.

• Don't: Use the "Feedback Sandwich." (Positive-Negative-Positive). Parents often listen for the "bread" and ignore the "meat." Be direct about the performance gap immediately, then pivot to how you will support the child in closing it.

• Don't: Take it Personally. When a parent isn't "listening," they are often in a state of protective bias. Maintain your "Care Personally" stance by staying calm, even if they become confrontational.

---

Navigating the "Non-Listener"

When a parent is too emotionally invested to hear the truth, the coach must shift from feedback to boundary setting.

If the parent refuses to acknowledge the performance gap, a tactful response looks like this:

"I hear how much you want [Child's Name] to be on the field; I want that for them, too. However, my responsibility to the team and to [Child's Name]’s safety is to play those who have mastered [Specific Skill]. I am happy to keep working with them on this, but my decision on playing time stands for now. Let's touch base in two weeks to see their progress."

Summary Table: Feedback Quadrants

Quadrant	Coach's Response Style	Outcome
Radical Candor	Clear, kind, and evidence-based.	Growth and trust.
Ruinous Empathy	Avoids the truth to keep the parent happy.	Stagnation and confusion.
Obnoxious Aggression	Blunt, dismissive, or insulting.	Resentment and conflict.
Manipulative Insincerity	Passive-aggressive or talking behind backs.	Total culture breakdown.

 

Scrimmage #1 Observations

MVB 26 traveled to Lynnfield to scrimmage the always-skilled Pioneers. In addition to the thirteen returners, newcomers Mia Sasso and Lorena Contin got their varsity feet wet. 

The result was competitive, high octane volleyball unexpected in the early preseason.

Coach Scott Celli experimented with a multitude of lineups - a luxury afforded by a young but experienced lineup. 

This Is a New Year

With Sabine Wenzel now a D1 middle, the distribution of attacks changes in both direction and predictability. Opponents will not be able to "load up" anticipating a "middle-oriented" offense. 

Hit the Ground Running

Melrose's players have had only a few weeks off since the club season ended with high level experience including a roster replete with players who played at the Nationals in Indianapolis. How that translates to ML12 play remains to be seen, but there's not a lot of rust. 

Pressure Cooker

The team "played faster" and emphasized aggressive play when appropriate. 

Athletes

Sport rewards athleticism in addition to skill, volleyball IQ, and resilience. Melrose has one of its most athletic groups. 

Caveat Emptor

Buyer beware. Don't be seduced in the face of "cognitive biases." 

• Sample size - it's one game. 
• Recency bias - we focus on what we've seen lately. 
• Anchoring - players carry "reputations" which don't carry over from previous seasons. 
• Confirmation bias - we tend to read information which supports our pre-existing beliefs. 

Lagniappe. Melrose will be back at it tomorrow at practice and has a second scrimmage Wednesday, hosting North Andover. 

 

So, You've Got a Jumprope in Your Bag?

In 1972-1973, we jumped rope for five minutes as a basketball practice warm up. High school boys with a children's 'toy'. Coach Ellis Lane said, "Nobody will be in better condition than you are." Can you jump rope for five continuous minutes?  

Learning Tips

MVB has a tradition of academic excellence dating back three decades. Anyone can learn better by applying proven techniques.

You could take the free Coursera "Learning How to Learn" course or you could use AI as a tutor. 

 

View on Threads

This thread includes:

1) Self-testing

2) Spaced repetition

3) Feynman technique

Whether it's learning footwork or French, platform or physics, use proven study techniques to raise your game. 

Lagniappe. Repost. Don't get caught "late" to the armswing during your approach.