Coaching Empathy

Understanding empathy isn't always easy. An easier way to think about it is to "put yourself in the other person's position." That arises in many situations in coaching. 

Let's imagine a few:

• A person* loses confidence after less effective play
• A person becomes ill or injured and can't play
• A person has a change in role (bigger or smaller)
• A person is passed over for a leadership position
• A person feels unappreciated
• A person's effort or performance drops off unexpectedly

*Note person > player

Coaches wear many hats - organizer, teacher, evaluator, disciplinarian, psychologist, and more.

Two critical functions are getting the most from each individual and putting the team in the best position to succeed. Those don't always align because players may not see their role the same as the coach.

Loss of confidence. Some players need a lot of positive reinforcement. There's a saying, "the bigger the star the bigger the insecurity." Coaches may only need to tell one player, "I believe in you" once and others need more. 

Illness or injury. Exercise releases positive hormones like endorphins (some call then endogenous opioids), dopamine (the reward hormone), and oxytocin (part of bonding and nurturing). Injury or illness strip those away from individuals. Everyone needs to feel valued and it's important to recognize this. 

Role change. Roles have flexibility. They can increase, decrease, or change. Injuries may require a player to assume a new position. Strong performance may increase your role. Struggles may decrease it. A coach told me that an AD suggested he have longer tryouts because a politician's child might end up getting cut. 

Leadership positions. Everyone can't be the leader although everyone can lead by knowing their job, doing it to their best, and avoiding being a distraction. When underclassmen earn leadership positions, sometimes upperclassmen feel angry, sad, or hurt. Coaches navigate those waters by asking whether players can accept the leadership and their role. When they can't, it may be better for them to move on.

Underappreciation. "Ego is the enemy." Sometimes neediness is part of 'The Disease of Me." Coaches work to 'read the room'. A highly successful Massachusetts coach got a lot of grief when a few parents felt their children had not been "promoted" to the Boston media to the same degree of previous players. The best way to earn appreciation is through the hard work of being "a star in your role." 

Here are Pat Riley's signs of The Disease of Me:

1. Inexperience in dealing with sudden success.  
2. Chronic feelings of under-appreciation.  
3. Paranoia over being cheated out of one’s rightful share.  
4. Resentment against the competence of partners.  
5. Personal effort mustered solely to outshine a teammate.  
6. A leadership vacuum resulting from the formation of cliques and rivalries.   zones.
7. Feelings of frustration even when the team performs successfully.  

Underperformance. A player may be doing her best under unique circumstances. Players can have mental or physical health issues, academic problems, family problems, interpersonal issues, chemical health challenges, or just be in a slump. Sometimes they're obvious and often not. Team leadership can play a good role as intermediaries. It's a challenge because players may see them as "narcs". 

Empathy is understanding and communication. Most coaches want a culture or support and growth for both individuals and teams. At the same time, adolescence is change and change is difficult. "It takes a village to raise a child" and that's especially important in coaching. 

Lagniappe. Spike using angles to deep cross corner.