Dale Carnegie's 1936 classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People, stands the test of time in relationships.
You're busy with work, school, and other activities. Let's share some highlights from the book, with a little help from Blinkist and AI to start the ball rolling.
Praise the praiseworthy.
"You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." Find reasons to praise teammates. "You make me want to work harder to reach your level" or "I've never seen a player more involved." Lift others with praise of their effort or achievement. You will never forget when a coach tells you, "I believe in you."
Take an interest in others.
In Remember the Titans, Coach Herman Boone must integrate a football team from two different schools, two different universes. Learn about your teammates, their lives and their dreams.
Listen actively.
Respect another person by giving them our undivided attention. What if you were the coach? Would you want players talking among themselves, rolling their eyes, or otherwise distracted? Give the gift of attention and be coachable.
Disagree without being disagreeable.
No arguments are won starting from "you're wrong" or "you're stupid." Find common ground. There isn't one way to serve or one attack that fits all sizes. When we disagree, we can also ask, "What would you recommend to help solve this problem?" The best leaders don't just describe problems, they solve them.
Be like Socrates.
The Greek philosopher Socrates was famous for the depth of his knowledge and his questioning approach. He wanted listeners to come to their own conclusions from shared facts. Learn to apply facts to develop informed opinions. President Ronald Reagan said, "Trust but verify."
Volleyball excellence is real-time problem solving.
Set the bar high.
"Lower the bar and you lose the winners; raise the bar and you lose some losers." - Clint Hurdle Establish standards and provide players or students tools to meet and raise the standards. There's a story about a disruptive student. On the first day, the teacher met each student and told the difficult one, "I hear that you are a natural leader. That can add value in the classroom." His behavior improved to meet those lofty expectations.
Coach Scott Celli has confidence in the returning players improving and achieving a high degree of success. Meet that challenge.
Lagniappe. ChatGPT Plus shares three key principles from the book:
1. Show Genuine Interest in Others
Carnegie argues that people crave appreciation and understanding. Taking a sincere interest—asking questions, listening attentively, remembering names, and valuing others’ perspectives—creates authentic rapport. As he put it, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than in two years by trying to get people interested in you.”
2. Avoid Criticism, Condemnation, or Complaint
He warns that criticism breeds defensiveness and resentment. Instead of attacking mistakes, he advises encouraging improvement through empathy and understanding. His guidance: “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
3. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation
Carnegie distinguished between flattery and genuine praise. Real appreciation focuses on effort, contribution, or character. Recognizing others with authenticity motivates and strengthens relationships. “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
Lagniappe 2. Commit to our best every day.
Players have 2 choices: Either pout or prepare. Whether you play or don’t play, whether you win or lose, you will never regret working hard, making commitments, being disciplined or focusing too much. These skills not only prepare you for your game, but will prepare you for life!
— Jon Beck (@CoachJonBeck) November 3, 2025
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