Silence

Post by @adamgrant

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"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt." 

“Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.”—Proverbs 17:28

Everyone knows and respects the loudest voice on the MVB court. Yet, in life sometimes silence strengthens us. Think about when and how to use it.

Nelson Mandela's father was a community leader. He spoke last, allowing him to prepare a nuanced response after others had their say.

When we hear something upsetting, we may reflexively want to strike back verbally. That seldom goes well. Remember the words of Epictetus, "obviously he does not know me well or he would have far worse things to say." 

In The Four Agreements, the final one tells us, "Always do your best." Sometimes silence wins. 

Be humble in victory and gracious in defeat. Former Carolina coach Dean Smith famously said, "a lion never roars after a kill." 

Stoic philosophy has become a mainstay in professional sports. "Control what you control." Author Ryan Holiday reminds us in Discipline Is Destiny, "when you say something, it should mean something." We are not obliged to have an opinion on everything. We are not obliged to share our opinions. 

Sometimes we cannot win an argument. Better not to engage. In Daly Wisdom, Coach Chuck Daly reminds us, "Never argue with someone who buys ink by the barrel." 

You all know some of Aesop's Fables, such as "The Hare and the Tortoise" or "The Fox and the Grapes." But do you know the story of the Ducks and the Tortoise about the wisdom of silence? 

Silence helps us avoid problems and the technique sometimes allows others to share their opinion and feelings to help us understand their perspective. "Tell me more." 

Lagniappe.