Perception is reality. People sometimes criticize aggressively with what are perceived as macro-aggressions. But what about microaggressions, painful comments that are less obvious to some?
“The standard definition for microaggression is a verbal or nonverbal slight that impacts an individual who might identify as being from a marginalized or non-mainstream community.”
1) Microassaults "deliberate and intentional slights or insults that are meant to hurt the intended victim through name-calling."
- A college hockey coach with multiple players of Native American descent allegedly said, "we have too many Chiefs and not enough Indians."
- Patriots coach Bill Parcells ostensibly referred at one point to Terry Glenn as "she," questioning his toughness.
- "Weight shaming" players can be harmful.
2) Microinvalidation "attempts to discredit or minimize the experiences of a person who is from an underrepresented group."
- A person born into advantage might tell a coworker or subordinate, "you're not the only one who had it tough growing up."
- Comments about where a person grew up could insult them. "How are things in the trailer park?"
3) Microinsults "comments that subtly disrespect a person’s racial heritage or identity."
- When I was on rounds at Bethesda Naval a patient asked "what country I was from?" I answered, "Massachusetts."
- Commenting that someone is articulate presumes that somehow they shouldn't be.
Nonverbal insults can cut deeply, too.
- Eye rolling
- Ignoring
- Benching (putting players in 'the doghouse')
Help players with microaffirmations.
- "Catch people in the act of doing something right."
- "Recognize the passer" on assists.
- The Ted Lasso "Believe" motto is a regular affirmation.
Most people have to deal with them sometimes. Consider two of The Four Agreements "Don't make assumptions" and "Don't take anything personally." Ultimately, the source of the microaggression says everything about them and nothing about the target.
Choose our words carefully.
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